Let me tell you what I know about how hard it is to be a woman in midlife right about now. IMPOSSIBLE!!! And yet you don’t see any of us falling down like flies. NOPE…we are all in survival mode. A BEAST MODE if I’ve ever seen one and a mode that we have been in for more years of our lives than we would like to admit. Right now this survival mode is even more apparent as we try to make the impossible decisions of how to care for everyone else in our lives in this post-pandemic world. Whether we are caretakers or not, we are nurturing and this whole mess has us in a bad position.
For starters, we are no where near out of this COVID thing and that means we are no where near normal (whatever that means). The backlash of having had our lives turned upside down is the sister pandemic of a subsequent mental health crisis we are no in. I Vlogged (see the video below) on this very issue at the start of this pandemic…it is hard and we are not going to come out the other side the same. We can’t. We will be forever changed by this experience.
I worry about women in midlife. We have no idea how this is going to affect us in the long run. And guess what, after all the waves of the physical illness are finally over…really over…no variants left and the whole thing under control…that is when people will start coming out of the emotional survival mode that they have been in since the start of this. So we have no idea what that fallout will look like, and I promise you we have not done the preparations for this. You thought not having enough PPE at the start of the pandemic for the front line workers was bad? Just wait until people are in mental health crisis and we learn how under staffed the mental health field is. Not to mention the fact that SO MANY people do not have the access to mental health resources or will not use these resources because of the stigma attached to “mental health” problems.
Sure we have had moments when we peeked out of the survival mode that we are in. Losing our $&#% on someone in traffic, at our family, or at that neighbor that is just driving us nuts. Yet, for the most part, we have been emotionally numb…what psychologists call dissociation. I wrote a blog and made a video (see below) on this subject not too long ago as well. Dissociation is the form of survival mode when we play dead. In the wild we see this when the gazelle gets caught by the lioness. It plays dead in the hopes that the lioness will let the gazelle go and move on for another kill. Meanwhile, the gazelle may have ONE LAST CHANCE of survival by waking up just enough to run away again. This is where we are at. We are the gazelle. We are playing dead, being real still and hoping as hard as we can that COVID will go away and things will be normal again (whatever that means).
So what does all this have to do with why I am afraid for women in midlife right now? Because so many women in midlife live a great deal of their adult existence in survival mode…and this is when there IS NOT a worldwide pandemic. We step up to the socially appropriate roles that we have been given, as pretty to look at, as caregivers and nurturers, as team players and not necessarily leaders (always the bridesmaid but never the bride). Yet we shy away from our own inner voices on how we should be in the world. Midlife is usually the natural time of transitions that land women in midlife square in the position to be coming into their own and moving out of the corsets of socially accepted roles. These transitions are difficult in their own right…not always crises, yet challenging enough. And you guessed it…going through COVID overshadowed this whole kitten caboodle and then added a crap ton more stress right on top of it.
When we come to the point when the physical illness portion of the pandemic comes under some form of control, midlife women are going to be under a level of duress that is likely to LEVEL them! This is what I am worried about it. It is why I created LearnToLoveYourStory.com. I knew there would not be enough therapists in the world or access to those therapists to save us all. We need more venues to gain access to the help we are going to need on the other side of this. Not to mention we are going to need each other…a community of women suffering in the same way, who know what its like and are equipped to lift one another up.
That’s where my Online Course and Coaching Programs will come in real handy. I designed my programs with just this purpose in mind. Ready made groups of women learning the skills of how to pivot through any life transition, courses that guide you on how you can do this at your own pace, and even individual coaching for those that want that personal touch through their growth process. Let’s help you to escape falling into a midlife crisis or some other demise.
So if you do nothing for yourself but this…take a look at my courses and programs, and join our free online community. Make this coming year the year you design the life YOU WANT and that YOU LOVE. And send this blog to any women in midlife you know. They need to see it!!! They may look perfectly fine on the outside, yet the ugly truth is…that is the survival mode talking. When we come out of that mode, the emotional toll will seem to tall to manage for so very many of us.
Many of us are suffering like this — daily life has become an ordeal, and we don’t know where or how to find help.
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Keywords: Midlife transitions, Women in midlife, Self-discovery, Empowerment for women, Women’s empowerment, Personal growth, Relationships in midlife, Self-care for women, Authentic living, Thriving in midlife, Midlife journey, Women’s wellness, Expert insights, Redefining success, podcast for women, gray divorce, survival mode, stress, starting over in midlife
The content in this podcast and video is not a replacement for therapy and is not clinical, medical, or mental health treatment. Dr. Natalie Marr is a Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota. Her work with LearnToLoveYourStory.com and all affiliate social media entities is educational and coaching based ONLY. She IS NOT offering therapeutic services of any kind on these mediums.
If you or someone you know is having a mental health crisis or having thoughts of suicide, please use the following crisis resources (this is not an exhaustive list of available resources):
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
CALL 988
Crisis Text Line: https://www.crisistextline.org/
Text HOME to 741741