This being human is a guest house. Every morning is a new arrival. A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor…Welcome and entertain them all. Treat each guest honorably. The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing and invite them in. Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.
Rumi
One of our biggest struggles in life is that we have been taught that struggle is a bad thing. That it is something to be avoided. And it doesn’t help that are own biology illudes us into thinking this could be true, because it is uncomfortable to be in struggle. The truth is it is uncomfortable when we grow, change, or learn new things. It disrupts the homeostasis, so of course our bodies and minds will fidget while it occurs. But struggle is the gift…not the enemy. The enemy is the idea we have been sold that we should not struggle.
All things in life can be our teacher. All feelings, thoughts, and circumstances give us another opportunity to be a better human. And what this really means is that all variations of struggle are an opportunity for our growth. We don’t always see it that way. And we have certainly not been equipped to by conventional wisdom. I think that it is important to remember and address where this convention is coming from. Who is making up the rule that struggle is a bad thing, a thing to be avoided? Who’s message is this? Because it most certainly is not a message that is helping us to grow.
I believe that one of the strongest drivers of avoiding struggle is our American economy. In a market driven largely by enticing you to buy what you don’t necessarily need, but do want, there are large scale strategies at making this “want” seem the most desirable. There is even a bit of blurring in the lines between what is needed and what is wanted. Am I right? To pick on myself a minute, let’s talk about aging skin. The premise of most skin care products is that there is an ideal beauty. This beauty has a short natural window of time in our youth. The rest of the time we spend countless hours and money trying to replicate this ideal. I can’t tell you the amount of time and money I have spent trying to get that look back from my youth. But I have to ask, if I was inviting the “guest” of aged skin into my house and accepting what it had come to teach me, would I be so ready to through money at trying to stave this process off?
The key is treating our negative experiences, feelings, or thoughts “honorably”, as Rumi indicates. Giving these messengers grace and compassion, rather than labeling them as bad and resisting them. Make these parts of yourself “guest”s in your life. Let these parts of you know they are welcome. That their messages are important. And in time, as your grace and compassion softens you, give these “guest”s your attention and time, so as to learn what they have come to teach you. Accepting their gifts, instead of resisting them.
All parts of us are valuable. Even the things we don’t like very much or that make us uncomfortable. All of our experiences, even our struggles, deserve to be heard and seen and known. Love all of yourself, all events in your life, not just the things that are easy to love.
This is our life’s work. This is our sacred journey as humans.
Why wouldn’t we change some thing about ourselves that’s irritating? I’ll tell you why…because it’s not a part of us that needs changing. It’s a part of us that needs acceptance. It’s a part of us that needs loving. It’s a part of us. And therefore it should not be something that we reject but some thing that we pull close. But what if these aspects of our self are in opposition to other aspects of our self? How do we accept those? This is the paradox. That two seemingly opposite things can be true at the same time, even when they are opposite things about ourselves. These can be excepted. These can coexist. And the way we facilitate peace about this is through loving all aspects of our self…the good, the not good, and everything in between.
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