Sometimes there are just people, times, or situations that really drain us of all we have to give. This is a tell tale sign that our input is not outweighing our output. We wouldn’t expect a car to drive 300 miles on an empty tank of gas, yet we often expect this of ourselves. Lets change that. Here are some things you can do:
1) EXTRA Self-Care This Week:
Emotional Exhaustion in large part comes from our inability to give more without replenishing ourselves first. Read that again and think about it. If you’re afflicted with the social conditioning that tells you your worth comes from how much you give of yourself, then you’ve known this kind of exhaustion. It’s a black hole. You can never give enough of yourself to satisfy this false ideal that once you’ve given enough you will arrive at your ultimate worth. Instead you keep giving until the point of overwhelm, not feeling worthy.
So invert this principle. Seriously. Invert this process of giving to others before yourself on its head. Love yourself first and foremost and watch what happens.
Which leads me to my second reminder to us for the week:
2) SELFISH is the New SELFLESS
I mean it. We have to throw out these ideas that we have to do things for others at a cost to ourselves. It creates a ledger of sorts. It has yourself in one column and others in another column. You start with a finite amount of you and quickly deplete your emotional energy when you give and give and give and give to others by taking and taking and taking and taking from your column on the ledger. You’re swiftly in debt, but only to yourself. And because you’re putting you last and others first, you remain in debt and keep creating more of it.
So…INVERT this. Instead of giving OF yourself first, give TO yourself first. Always.
You see when we are full with what we need FIRST, we can give so much more. When we deplete ourselves by giving more to others than to ourselves, our worth inherently devalues. Yet our culture tells us that our worth is in this depletion of self to be selfless for others. Which honestly means you become yourself less.
I call BS!!! It’s simple math here (and those who know me, know math is not my favorite…so if I am pulling it out then I mean business). If we add to our worthiness by giving to ourselves first, there is more worth to be shared. If we take from our worthiness to give to others before ourselves, then eventually we will be depleted and devalue ourselves in the process.
We will be emotionally exhausted and eventually totally overwhelmed. And we will start to literally be unable to emotionally empathize with others. To see their point of view. To imagine walking a mile in their shoes. When we lose sight of these things the value of our giving diminishes more and more. Not to mention we become more and more awful to each other, the more and more we feel dehumanized ourselves.
If we add to our worthiness by giving to ourselves first, there is more worth to be shared. If we take from our worthiness to give to others before ourselves, then eventually we will be depleted and devalue ourselves in the process.
Natalie M. Marr, Psy.D., LP
So take a minute. I’m serious! Take a few if you need to. Think about how you can do some extra self care this week. Write it down! Yup. On an old fashioned piece of paper. Maybe a post-it. And stick those ideas in all the places you frequent. The bathroom mirror. Near the steering wheel on your car. In your daily planner. On the refrigerator. Be sure to have these ideas readily available and nagging at you this week so you remember to do them. THEN…watch what happens. When you give to yourself first you have more to give.
Need ideas? Listen to my latest podcast
And if you are still looking for help. Download my Free Self-Care Cheat Sheet here:
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