Picture this with me. You’re a woman in midlife and you are preparing for a holiday dinner. You are so excited. You have really gone through every small detail you can think of in preparation for this event. For instance, you have considered everybody’s dietary needs and made sure that this meal is going to be magnificent. You’ve shopped for all the specific items each person would need, which took you to three different stores because of course one person needs gluten -free, one person needs dairy -free, one is eating most keto and you just couldn’t find that all at one shop. So you went to all the places that you had those perfect items.
Now its the day of the event. You’re cooking and people are there at your house, but you’re kind of busy because you’re preparing the meal, right? So you’re in and out and you’re talking to people, but you’re also feeling a little rushed and feeling a little pressured. There’s just something agitating about that feeling. You have thoughts going through your mind, like, “Oh, I gotta get this on the table”, “I wanna make sure everything looks right.” “I forgot to get out my new tablecloth”, and “I want to be sure that this holiday dinner is really wonderful.”
You finally get everything prepared. Everything is sitting out for your family to sit down and eat. And they do, and they truly enjoy this meal you have prepared for them. They say thank you. And they are truly appreciative of all the work that you’ve put in. And you might even have some people offer to wash the dishes for you in thanks. You even bring out some dessert and a nice fresh pot of coffee. And your family is able to visit a little bit longer.
Here’s the thing though. From front to back, this meal maybe lasts about 45 minutes. That’s it. You’ve spent the better amount of several days planning and hours preparing, trying to create the best meal possible. Yet, front to back, the experience is gone in about 45 minutes. It can feel a little deflating can’t it? Like the reward is not matching up to the work you put in. Or maybe you are feeling disappointed that it wasn’t more appreciated. Your family came, ate, and left without much recognition of all the effort you put in.
It isn’t the traditional idea of a midlife crisis. Instead it’s a series of events just like this one, where you just don’t feel happy with the outcome of your efforts… I have news for you, my friend. This is what midlife crisis looks like for most women.
All of that preparation was really about your trying to set the stage of capturing having people that you love be around you for a period of time. And it can be kind of deflating when that is only 45 minutes, right? You aren’t being ungrateful, nor are they, for the time that you all spent together. And yet it can feel that way. This is the kind of thing that I hear about from women in midlife. It isn’t the traditional idea of a midlife crisis. Instead it’s a series of events just like this one, where you just don’t feel happy with the outcome of your efforts. You may even be questioning where you fit or whether these efforts are even worth it.
You have done all the right things. Made all the right choices. Done what was expected of you all your life. And you continue to be the consummate hostess. The good spouse. The loyal employee. The dutiful mother. And yet at the end of an evening that should have brought you great joy you feel down. Like it didn’t quite hit the mark for you. I have news for you, my friend. This is what midlife crisis looks like for most women.
What do you do with that? If this is midlife crisis what are you going to do to turn this around. Its not like you are going to rewrite this narrative. Not at all. I mean, holidays will come and go and meals will usually only take about 45 minutes. It can feel not only confusing, it can be quite frustrating when you realize you won’t be able to buy enough sports cars, have enough divorces/break-ups, or start your career over enough times to make these smaller events seem less disappointing. And honestly, none of us really want the new sports cars, divorces/break-ups, or new careers. We just want to feel good at a holiday meal with our family. So now what?!?
Honestly, this is exactly why I created LearnToLoveYourStory.com. So many of the women I work with aren’t searching for a complete overhaul in their lives. They are wanting a better way of showing up in their lives that leave them feeling joy and happiness after a holiday meal with their families, instead of sad and underappreciated. A better way of experiencing the life they are already in, not a new life altogether. So how do you do that? Easy…you focus on you. Seem too simple. Let me tell you, there is nothing simple about teaching women to hold themselves in first position in their lives. Nothing at all simple about that.
None of us really want the new sports cars, divorces/break-ups, or new careers. We just want to feel good at a holiday meal with our family. So now what?!?
Listen, you did check all the boxes for that holiday dinner. You did do all the right things in your life. You have done a remarkable job of accommodating everybody’s needs…except for yours. And there’s a reason for that. You’ve never been taught in all the things you have been taught as a woman in this world, how to consider yourself. In fact, you were taught considering yourself was something that was selfish and was something that you should not do. Well, I’m here to tell you a different story, a story that helps you love your life…learn to love yourself.
And that’s what LearnToLoveYourStory.com is all about. If I can help you to change the narrative in your life and learn new ways to approach the preparation of a holiday meal with your family and friends, so that you can have that outcome that you’re seeking so desperately, then I can help you avoid that midlife crisis feeling of disappointment and dissatisfaction in your life. I will help you to obtain the connection you are seeking. I will help you find the alignment with your purpose. I will help to give you that desire that you want to get up every single day. That you are excited for the day. That’s what LearnToLoveYourStory.com and Midlife Crisis to a Centered Life Thriving is helping women to do.
I have online courses. I have coaching, I have a podcast, and it’s all geared at giving you the tools that you need to learn not to just do it like it’s always been done. Because that’s not working for you anymore. Instead, you’re gonna shift into a new set of skills. A set of skills that help you focus on you. That help you see yourself in the story of your life. That help you always accommodate for you first and in so doing, improve how you show up in everything you do and with everyone that you love. That helps you love the life you’re in. Now doesn’t that sound like something that you want for yourself. It sure does to me.
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Keywords: Midlife transitions, Women in midlife, Self-discovery, Empowerment for women, Women’s empowerment, Personal growth, Self-care for women, Authentic living, Thriving in midlife, midlife crisis in women, improving your life, thriving in midlife, learning to love yourself, self-care, self-love, self-awareness, self-compassion, growth mindset, emotional agility
The content in this blog is not a replacement for therapy and is not clinical, medical, or mental health treatment. Dr. Natalie Marr is a Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota. Her work with LearnToLoveYourStory.com and all affiliate social media entities is educational and coaching based ONLY. She IS NOT offering therapeutic services of any kind on these mediums.
If you or someone you know is having a mental health crisis or having thoughts of suicide, please use the following crisis resources (this is not an exhaustive list of available resources):
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
CALL 988
Crisis Text Line: https://www.crisistextline.org/
Text HOME to 741741