Merry Christmas Eve! I waited until today to release my blog for the week, because I wanted to talk a little about giving and receiving. What better time of year to do that than now, right? So, let me start off with some questions.
What was the gift you brought to your corner of the world this year?
What gifts did you receive this year?
Were these gifts the ones you asked for or that were asked of you? Or were they complete surprises (good or bad)?
What have you learned from your gifts, both given and received, and how will they impact you going forward?
Hmmm…those should get your mind stirring a bit. What was the first thing to pop in your head as you read them? Did it go something like, “What gift did I bring to my corner of the world? Come on doc, the holidays are about hustle and bustle and who got the biggest and best present. It’s completely commercialized. There is no gift here at all, other than a pain in my rear!”
Feel free to want to virtually slap me right now. Or write your wittiest and most sarcastic comment to me. Believe me, I get it. It is a commercialized season, because as I noted in my “What’s in a Word?” blog, we are marketed at from birth until death in America. Tis’ the season to buy, buy, buy to fill the void in our lives, right? But we all have felt how empty that can be. The anti-climactic gathering of wrapping paper off the floor and playing with our new things for a few days or weeks. Then it’s back to the grind, right? Or, maybe you just don’t have the money to keep up with all this commercialism and you are feeling the weight of not living up to this hype. It can be particularly hard when you have children that watch the Christmas specials and think that that they’ve been on the “Nice List” all year, so surely Santa will be bringing the new (insert the item of desire in the blank). So, what happens when Santa doesn’t? It’s possible to believe that you weren’t good enough. Or to become a hardened cynic to this commercialized holiday. And all sorts of other possibilities in between.
So here is my challenge for this week (well actually it’s my challenge to you for this coming year). I want you to think about those questions I posed at the start of this blog. I want you to really meditate on these. Why? Because, I would contest that Christmas is not about what we get under the tree. This holiday season in general, no matter what it is that you celebrate, isn’t really about material things. It is about us! You read that right. This season can be a reminder to us that we have something to bring to this world. It’s also about honoring each other, by learning to be better receivers of the gifts others have to give us. Whether the gifts you have received and given felt good or bad; or were stingily kept to yourself and those you care about, because your time is valuable and you are not obligated to give to those who haven’t deserved it; or you have poured yourself out over and over again and are now feeling depleted; and all of the variations and/or combinations of these. Whether it is any or all of these, there is a lesson to be learned in giving and receiving. And it’s one that our communities are so hungry for right now.
I know I know, I am waxing eloquent again and keeping the good part of the message for last. Hey, you must have read some of my other blogs and are getting to know me better;)
So, “Pray tell doc! What the heck are you getting at?”
Here is what I am getting at. The gift is not the material item that you receive or give. It’s about what the action of giving and receiving does to us. Especially giving and receiving when it is not deserved or expected. This kind of giving and receiving is the most precious of all, because it offers love to one another and to ourselves.
And what if the gift comes in the form of pain? What about when we have been withholding our gifts from the world, hording them for ourselves? If this is the case, then look a little deeper. What is the message in this? Is it that in hording our gifts we are feeling less and less connected to others and less and less deserving of their love and affection? Or, have we not received well, the gifts we were given? Maybe because they came in the form of a message we didn’t want to hear, or because the gifts were given through the vehicle of emotional pain. And now we are feeling isolated and bereft, not worthy and accepted…and certainly not loved.
Gifts will come in all shapes and sizes. In all gradations of feeling good and feeling bad. If we resist these gifts they will keep coming back to us, until we learn to receive them, invite them into our hearts, and know the true purpose they have to offer us. And if right now you are thinking to yourself that you know someone that has not been looking at her or his painful gifts in the right way…STOP! Look internally at whether being in that situation with this person has you not looking at a painful gift you don’t want to accept for yourself. It’s very easy to slide into seeing when this happens to others, yet struggling to see that when we see it in others it may be a reflection that it is actually happening in ourselves.
Take a hard look. Challenge yourself to give more, to receive more, and to be more mindful of the real meaning behind these gifts. When a gift comes in the form of hurting, insult, or some other negativity…challenge yourself to see the real message. The one that shows you what there is to be learned here. And don’t be a Scrooge. Give away those gifts. We are only here for a while and we will gain more from what we give away than what we ever receive really. And believe that you are worthy of these gifts. There is a reason they have come to you. Take them in, cherish them, and use them the way they were intended to be used.
I will leave you with a poem that hangs in Mother Teresa’s home for children in Calcutta. Someone reminded me of this poem in recent week and it really sums up the meaning of giving and receiving, I think. What are your thoughts? I’d love to hear from you.
People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.
Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.
In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.
-this version is credited to Mother Teresa, based on The Paradoxical Commandments by Dr. Kent M. Keith