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Emotional Wellness, Midlife Women, Self-Awareness, Self-Compassion

What Midlife Crisis Looks Like For Women…You Might Be Surprised

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Picture this with me. You’re a woman in midlife and you are preparing for a holiday dinner. You are so excited. You have really gone through every small detail you can think of in preparation for this event.  For instance, you have considered everybody’s dietary needs and made sure that this meal is going to be magnificent. You’ve shopped for all the specific items each person would need, which took you to three different stores because of course one person needs gluten -free, one person needs dairy -free, one is eating most keto and you just couldn’t find that all at one shop. So you went to all the places that you had those perfect items.

Now its the day of the event. You’re cooking and people are there at your house, but you’re kind of busy because you’re preparing the meal, right? So you’re in and out and you’re talking to people, but you’re also feeling a little rushed and feeling a little pressured. There’s just something agitating about that feeling.  You have thoughts going through your mind, like, “Oh, I gotta get this on the table”, “I wanna make sure everything looks right.” “I forgot to get out my new tablecloth”, and “I want to be sure that this holiday dinner is really wonderful.”

You finally get everything prepared. Everything is sitting out for your family to sit down and eat. And they do, and they truly enjoy this meal you have prepared for them.  They say thank you. And they are truly appreciative of all the work that you’ve put in. And you might even have some people offer to wash the dishes for you in thanks. You even bring out some dessert and a nice fresh pot of coffee. And your family is able to visit a little bit longer.

Here’s the thing though. From front to back, this meal maybe lasts about 45 minutes. That’s it. You’ve spent the better amount of several days planning and hours preparing, trying to create the best meal possible.  Yet, front to back, the experience is gone in about 45 minutes.  It can feel a little deflating can’t it?  Like the reward is not matching up to the work you put in.  Or maybe you are feeling disappointed that it wasn’t more appreciated.  Your family came, ate, and left without much recognition of all the effort you put in.

It isn’t the traditional idea of a midlife crisis. Instead it’s a series of events just like this one, where you just don’t feel happy with the outcome of your efforts… I have news for you, my friend.  This is what midlife crisis looks like for most women.

All of that preparation was really about your trying to set the stage of capturing having people that you love be around you for a period of time. And it can be kind of deflating when that is only 45 minutes, right? You aren’t being ungrateful, nor are they, for the time that you all spent together.  And yet it can feel that way.  This is the kind of thing that I hear about from women in midlife. It isn’t the traditional idea of a midlife crisis. Instead it’s a series of events just like this one, where you just don’t feel happy with the outcome of your efforts.  You may even be questioning where you fit or whether these efforts are even worth it.

You have done all the right things.  Made all the right choices.  Done what was expected of you all your life.  And you continue to be the consummate hostess.  The good spouse.  The loyal employee.  The dutiful mother.  And yet at the end of an evening that should have brought you great joy you feel down.  Like it didn’t quite hit the mark for you.  I have news for you, my friend.  This is what midlife crisis looks like for most women.

What do you do with that? If this is midlife crisis what are you going to do to turn this around.  Its not like you are going to rewrite this narrative. Not at all. I mean, holidays will come and go and meals will usually only take about 45 minutes. It can feel not only confusing, it can be quite frustrating when you realize you won’t be able to buy enough sports cars, have enough divorces/break-ups, or start your career over enough times to make these smaller events seem less disappointing.  And honestly, none of us really want the new sports cars, divorces/break-ups, or new careers.  We just want to feel good at a holiday meal with our family.  So now what?!?

Honestly, this is exactly why I created LearnToLoveYourStory.com. So many of the women I work with aren’t searching for a complete overhaul in their lives.  They are wanting a better way of showing up in their lives that leave them feeling joy and happiness after a holiday meal with their families, instead of sad and underappreciated.  A better way of experiencing the life they are already in, not a new life altogether.  So how do you do that?  Easy…you focus on you.  Seem too simple.  Let me tell you, there is nothing simple about teaching women to hold themselves in first position in their lives.  Nothing at all simple about that.

None of us really want the new sports cars, divorces/break-ups, or new careers.  We just want to feel good at a holiday meal with our family.  So now what?!?

Listen, you did check all the boxes for that holiday dinner. You did do all the right things in your life. You have done a remarkable job of accommodating everybody’s needs…except for yours. And there’s a reason for that. You’ve never been taught in all the things you have been taught as a woman in this world, how to consider yourself. In fact, you were taught considering yourself was something that was selfish and was something that you should not do. Well, I’m here to tell you a different story, a story that helps you love your life…learn to love yourself.

And that’s what LearnToLoveYourStory.com is all about. If I can help you to change the narrative in your life and learn new ways to approach the preparation of a holiday meal with your family and friends, so that you can have that outcome that you’re seeking so desperately, then I can help you avoid that midlife crisis feeling of disappointment and dissatisfaction in your life.  I will help you to obtain the connection you are seeking. I will help you find the alignment with your purpose.  I will help to give you that desire that you want to get up every single day. That you are excited for the day. That’s what LearnToLoveYourStory.com and Midlife Crisis to a Centered Life Thriving is helping women to do.

I have online courses. I have coaching, I have a podcast, and it’s all geared at giving you the tools that you need to learn not to just do it like it’s always been done. Because that’s not working for you anymore. Instead, you’re gonna shift into a new set of skills.  A set of skills that help you focus on you.  That help you see yourself in the story of your life.  That help you always accommodate for you first and in so doing, improve how you show up in everything you do and with everyone that you love.  That helps you love the life you’re in.  Now doesn’t that sound like something that you want for yourself.  It sure does to me.

Do any of these sound like you?

    • Feel a sense of lack, despite success in life or having done everything “right”
    • Struggle to articulate how you feel to others
    • Experience guilt about how you’re feeling
    • Have lost your way
    • Are struggling to overcome turmoil in your life
    • Have become resigned to accepting a life you don’t love

Many of us are suffering like this — daily life has become an ordeal, and we don’t know where or how to find help.

Dr. Natalie’s Online Courses and Coaching CAN HELP. Click below and get started.

Click Here for Your FREE Gift

You don’t want to miss a thing we are doing here at LearnToLoveYourStory.com.  From our weekly podcasts to our library of blogs and videos that can help you step into a more centered life.

Allow Dr. Natalie to guide you on this empowering adventure to break free, rediscover your passion, and create the life you’ve always envisioned for yourself. Your journey to empowerment starts here. Join our Mailing List today!

Join Now

Need more clarity on your midlife journey? Sign up for a complimentary call with Dr. Natalie to explore if her transformative coaching program aligns with your aspirations.

Get personalized answers to your questions and discover if Dr. Natalie can help you untangle where you life is now and design the life you want to be living.

Don’t miss the opportunity to embark on a life-changing experience – schedule your complimentary call today and take the first step toward designing the life you deserve!

Please press the “START” button below to answer a few questions and schedule your consultation:


Keywords: Midlife transitions, Women in midlife, Self-discovery, Empowerment for women, Women’s empowerment, Personal growth, Self-care for women, Authentic living, Thriving in midlife, midlife crisis in women, improving your life, thriving in midlife, learning to love yourself, self-care, self-love, self-awareness, self-compassion, growth mindset, emotional agility

Disclaimer

The content in this blog is not a replacement for therapy and is not clinical, medical, or mental health treatment. Dr. Natalie Marr is a Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota. Her work with LearnToLoveYourStory.com and all affiliate social media entities is educational and coaching based ONLY. She IS NOT offering therapeutic services of any kind on these mediums.

If you or someone you know is having a mental health crisis or having thoughts of suicide, please use the following crisis resources (this is not an exhaustive list of available resources):

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

CALL 988

Crisis Text Line: https://www.crisistextline.org/

Text HOME to 741741

Connection, Dr. Natalie Podcast, Emotional Wellness, Midlife Women

Episode 59 – The Power of Making a Difference

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Special Interview with Dr. Orazie Cook, Founder and Executive Director of Praline’s Backyard Foundation

Dr. Orazie Cook, founder of Praline’s Backyard Foundation, shares her inspiring story and the mission of her organization. The foundation aims to remove barriers for domestic violence survivors by providing immediate housing and foster support for their pets. Dr. Cook emphasizes the importance of partnerships and corporate responsibility in addressing this issue. She also highlights the need to raise awareness and educate the public about domestic violence and the challenges faced by survivors.

Dr. Natalie and Cook encourage individuals to pursue their passions and find joy in making a difference in their communities. Dr. Cook also shares her own personal advice for women in midlife, emphasizing the importance of self-care and reflection. She encourages listeners to support Praline’s Backyard Foundation through social media engagement and donations. The conversation highlights the need for resources and support for survivors of domestic violence and the role of pets in their healing process.

Takeaways

  • Praline’s Backyard Foundation provides immediate housing and foster support for pets of domestic violence survivors.
  • Partnerships and corporate responsibility play a crucial role in addressing the barriers faced by survivors.
  • Raising awareness and educating the public are essential in combating domestic violence.
  • Pursuing personal passions and finding joy in making a difference can have a powerful impact.
  • Praline’s Backyard Foundation helps survivors of domestic violence find temporary housing for their pets.
  • Survivors often face challenges in finding pet-friendly housing, and government sponsorship could support foster spaces.
  • Dr. Cook advises women in midlife to take time for self-care and reflection to determine what they want their lives to look like.
  • Listeners can support Praline’s Backyard Foundation through social media engagement and donations.

DOMESTIC ABUSE RESOURCES:

National Domestic Violence Hotline Website: https://www.thehotline.org/

Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline. Support, resources and advice for your safety 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) OR Text “START” to 88788

For more information about Dr. Orazie Cook’s work with Praline’s Backyard Foundation go to:

Website: https://pralinesbackyardfoundation.org/

Sign up for FUN RUN on May 5th: https://pralinesbackyardfoundation.org/pralines-backyard-foundation-fun-run/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pralinesbackyard

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/pralines_backyard/

Linked In: https://www.linkedin.com/company/pralines-backyard-foundation/

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@pralines_backyard

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNAE7eyYx_FxSmSn2egsuVA

Do any of these sound like you?

    • Feel a sense of lack, despite success in life or having done everything “right”
    • Struggle to articulate how you feel to others
    • Experience guilt about how you’re feeling
    • Have lost your way
    • Are struggling to overcome turmoil in your life
    • Have become resigned to accepting a life you don’t love

Many of us are suffering like this — daily life has become an ordeal, and we don’t know where or how to find help.

Dr. Natalie’s Online Courses and Coaching CAN HELP. Click below and get started.

Click Here for Your FREE Gift

You don’t want to miss a thing we are doing here at LearnToLoveYourStory.com.  From our weekly podcasts to our library of blogs and videos that can help you step into a more centered life.

Allow Dr. Natalie to guide you on this empowering adventure to break free, rediscover your passion, and create the life you’ve always envisioned for yourself. Your journey to empowerment starts here. Join our Mailing List today!

Join Now

Need more clarity on your midlife journey? Sign up for a complimentary call with Dr. Natalie to explore if her transformative coaching program aligns with your aspirations.

Get personalized answers to your questions and discover if Dr. Natalie can help you untangle where you life is now and design the life you want to be living.

Don’t miss the opportunity to embark on a life-changing experience – schedule your complimentary call today and take the first step toward designing the life you deserve!

Please press the “START” button below to answer a few questions and schedule your consultation:


Keywords: Midlife transitions, Women in midlife, Self-discovery, Empowerment for women, Women’s empowerment, Personal growth, Self-care for women, Authentic living, Thriving in midlife, domestic abuse, Praline’s Backyard Foundation, helping pets rehome in domestic violence situations

Disclaimer

The content in this podcast and video is not a replacement for therapy and is not clinical, medical, or mental health treatment. Dr. Natalie Marr is a Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota. Her work with LearnToLoveYourStory.com and all affiliate social media entities is educational and coaching based ONLY. She IS NOT offering therapeutic services of any kind on these mediums.

If you or someone you know is having a mental health crisis or having thoughts of suicide, please use the following crisis resources (this is not an exhaustive list of available resources):

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

CALL 988

Crisis Text Line: https://www.crisistextline.org/

Text HOME to 741741

Dr. Natalie Podcast, Midlife Women

Podcast 58 – What to Do When You are Challenged in Midlife

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Special Interview with Sabine Schoepke, “The Power Life” Coach

In this episode of Midlife Crisis to a Centered Life Thriving, Sabine Schoepke and Dr. Natalie discuss the challenges and discomfort that come with personal growth and change. They emphasize the importance of embracing these challenges as a sign of growth and progress. They also highlight the value of taking small steps towards change instead of making drastic leaps. The conversation explores the concept of pushing through challenges and the rewards that come from persevering. They discuss the importance of trusting the process and enjoying the journey, rather than focusing solely on the destination by shifting our mindset, living in the present moment, and finding joy in the unknown.

Sabine Schoepke shares her journey of reinvention over lifetime. She emphasizes the power of choice and finding joy in every stage of life. She also shares the work that she does with midlife professionals.

Takeaways:

  • Clarity changes minds and lives.
  • Midlife is a time of reinvention and embracing new opportunities.
  • Choosing joy and finding freedom in midlife is liberating.
  • Coaching and community support are essential for navigating midlife challenges.
  • Embrace challenges and discomfort as signs of growth and progress.
  • Take small steps towards change instead of making drastic leaps.
  • Push through challenges and persevere to reap the rewards.
  • Trust the process and enjoy the journey, rather than focusing solely on the destination.
  • Shift your mindset, live in the present moment, and find joy in the unknown.

For more information on Sabine Schoepke and her work, visit her at:

Website: https://thepowerlifecoach.com/

Linked In: https://www.linkedin.com/in/sabine-schoepke-75aba1b5/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sabine_power_life/

Do any of these sound like you?

    • Feel a sense of lack, despite success in life or having done everything “right”
    • Struggle to articulate how you feel to others
    • Experience guilt about how you’re feeling
    • Have lost your way
    • Are struggling to overcome turmoil in your life
    • Have become resigned to accepting a life you don’t love

Many of us are suffering like this — daily life has become an ordeal, and we don’t know where or how to find help.

Dr. Natalie’s Online Courses and Coaching CAN HELP. Click below and get started.

Click Here for Your FREE Gift

You don’t want to miss a thing we are doing here at LearnToLoveYourStory.com.  From our weekly podcasts to our library of blogs and videos that can help you step into a more centered life.

Allow Dr. Natalie to guide you on this empowering adventure to break free, rediscover your passion, and create the life you’ve always envisioned for yourself. Your journey to empowerment starts here. Join our Mailing List today!

Join Now

Need more clarity on your midlife journey? Sign up for a complimentary call with Dr. Natalie to explore if her transformative coaching program aligns with your aspirations.

Get personalized answers to your questions and discover if Dr. Natalie can help you untangle where you life is now and design the life you want to be living.

Don’t miss the opportunity to embark on a life-changing experience – schedule your complimentary call today and take the first step toward designing the life you deserve!

Please press the “START” button below to answer a few questions and schedule your consultation:


Keywords: Midlife transitions, Women in midlife, Self-discovery, Empowerment for women, Women’s empowerment, Personal growth, Self-care for women, Authentic living, Thriving in midlife, Midlife journey, Women’s wellness, The Power Life Coach, Redefining success, Managing Challenges in midlife, podcast for women, changing career path in midlife

Disclaimer

The content in this podcast and video is not a replacement for therapy and is not clinical, medical, or mental health treatment. Dr. Natalie Marr is a Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota. Her work with LearnToLoveYourStory.com and all affiliate social media entities is educational and coaching based ONLY. She IS NOT offering therapeutic services of any kind on these mediums.

If you or someone you know is having a mental health crisis or having thoughts of suicide, please use the following crisis resources (this is not an exhaustive list of available resources):

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

CALL 988

Crisis Text Line: https://www.crisistextline.org/

Text HOME to 741741

Dr. Natalie Podcast, Midlife Women, Self-Awareness, Selfish is the New Selfless

Podcast 57 – Reinventing Yourself in Midlife

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Special Interview with Sophie Deslauriers

In this episode of Midlife Crisis to a Centered Life Thriving,  Dr. Natalie interviews Sophie Deslauriers, who shares her personal journey of overcoming challenges and reinventing herself. Sophie discusses her background, including her experiences with divorce, financial challenges, cancer, and having a baby late in life and through the pandemic. She explains her decision to forgo traditional cancer treatment and instead focus on mindset shifting and personal healing. Sophie also shares her passion for working with women and creating a safe space for them to transform and thrive.

In this conversation, Sophie Deslauriers shares her remarkable story of overcoming adversity and reinventing herself in midlife. They cover the importance of surrender and self-reflection, the need for support and upliftment of women in midlife, and the impact of people-pleasing on women’s health. The link between repressed anger and cancer is discussed, highlighting the importance of emotional expression. The conversation also explores the opportunity for women in midlife to break generational trauma and create a new legacy. Healing and transformation in relationships are emphasized, and Sophie offers wisdom for women facing hardship. This episode aims to help women find a centered and thriving life in midlife.

Takeaways:

  • Listen to your intuition and speak your truth.
  • Fear and anger are underlying emotions that need to be addressed for personal growth.
  • Mindset shifting and personal healing can have a significant impact on overall well-being.
  • Choosing to do nothing can be a valid and empowering decision in certain situations.
  • Supporting and empowering women can lead to transformative experiences.
  • Surrendering and self-reflection are essential for personal growth and healing.
  • Supporting and uplifting women in midlife is crucial for their well-being.
  • People-pleasing and not setting boundaries can negatively impact women’s health.
  • Repressed anger has been linked to an increased risk of cancer.
  • Women in midlife have the opportunity to break generational trauma and create a new legacy.
  • Healing and transformation in relationships can lead to personal growth and happiness.
  • Women facing hardship should listen to their bodies and advocate for their own well-being.
  • Midlife is a time for reinvention and making new choices.
  • Sophie Deslauriers offers support and mentoring for women in transforming their lives.

For more information on Sophie Deslauriers and her work, visit her on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thesophiedeslauriers/

Do any of these sound like you?

    • Feel a sense of lack, despite success in life or having done everything “right”
    • Struggle to articulate how you feel to others
    • Experience guilt about how you’re feeling
    • Have lost your way
    • Are struggling to overcome turmoil in your life
    • Have become resigned to accepting a life you don’t love

Many of us are suffering like this — daily life has become an ordeal, and we don’t know where or how to find help.

Dr. Natalie’s Online Courses and Coaching CAN HELP. Click below and get started.

Click Here for Your FREE Gift

You don’t want to miss a thing we are doing here at LearnToLoveYourStory.com.  From our weekly podcasts to our library of blogs and videos that can help you step into a more centered life.

Allow Dr. Natalie to guide you on this empowering adventure to break free, rediscover your passion, and create the life you’ve always envisioned for yourself. Your journey to empowerment starts here. Join our Mailing List today!

Join Now

Need more clarity on your midlife journey? Sign up for a complimentary call with Dr. Natalie to explore if her transformative coaching program aligns with your aspirations.

Get personalized answers to your questions and discover if Dr. Natalie can help you untangle where you life is now and design the life you want to be living.

Don’t miss the opportunity to embark on a life-changing experience – schedule your complimentary call today and take the first step toward designing the life you deserve!

Please press the “START” button below to answer a few questions and schedule your consultation:


Keywords: Midlife transitions, Women in midlife, Self-discovery, Empowerment for women, Women’s empowerment, Personal growth, Relationships in midlife, Self-care for women, Authentic living, Thriving in midlife, Midlife journey, Women’s wellness, Sophie Deslauriers, Redefining success, podcast for women, divorce, gray divorce, survival mode, stress, changing career path in midlife

Disclaimer

The content in this podcast and video is not a replacement for therapy and is not clinical, medical, or mental health treatment. Dr. Natalie Marr is a Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota. Her work with LearnToLoveYourStory.com and all affiliate social media entities is educational and coaching based ONLY. She IS NOT offering therapeutic services of any kind on these mediums.

If you or someone you know is having a mental health crisis or having thoughts of suicide, please use the following crisis resources (this is not an exhaustive list of available resources):

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

CALL 988

Crisis Text Line: https://www.crisistextline.org/

Text HOME to 741741

Midlife Women, Self-Awareness, Self-Compassion

Less Work, More Joy in Midlife

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Do you have that feature set on your phone where it prompts you every week to see what pictures you were taking this time last year?  And then if you want you can go back as far as you have pictures to check out this week 2 years ago, 3 years ago, 4 years ago, 5 years ago, etc?  I have that feature turned on and it is honestly the most keen window into my transition over the last several years.  I can’t believe sometimes where I was even a year ago, but when I look back more than 5 years ago it is a whole other ball game.  You see, my second marriage hit its lowest points at that time, so it can be an interesting lens into my past to scroll through those pictures.

I was clearly at my worst.  I could not believe I had failed at marriage twice, that I was facing financial collapse, and becoming a single mom yet again in my life. Yet, at the same time I was swimming along well in my work at a group practice without skipping a beat.  That’s me, though.  Work is a refuge away from the chaos the rest of my life has been.  I learned that from my father.  It has its advantages, but it also has its drawbacks, let me tell you.  I can overwork to the point of blocking out everything in my life and that is not a good thing.

So it is strange as I embark on this new journey with Learn to Love Your Story I am pulling back from work.  Guess what? This old dog can learn some new tricks. And this one has been a LONG time coming.  Its only been recently when I finally figured out that if I want a different outcome FROM my work life, I will need to be different IN my work life.  You see, up until this point I figured I could always add work.  Right?!?  I have energy for that. I have learned to straddle 3 or more jobs at once and be a decent single parent, so why can’t I add a side hustle too.  And I did.  If you look at my photos this time last year or the year before, there are dozens of thumbnails I made to post to the Learn To Love Your Story You Tube channel, as I was churning out video after video.  Not as many inspirational quote screen shots as there were 4 or 5 years ago, when I was still climbing out of despair, or pictures of my kids as there were a few years ago when we were making the most of being outside that summer post COVID social distancing for the first few months.

So why in the world do I have to back down from my work to jump into my new endeavor?  Because it needs my attention and not my work ethic.  It needs me to live in the experience, not just get through it.  A few years ago, I thought I was starting this off right and took an 8 month course to teach me how to best launch the program I was creating.  And I was hustling that.  I was posting videos, providing free classes, being present on social media, and starting email funnels.  What I wasn’t doing was enjoying myself. I was pounding out the work, which has always been a way to drown out the noise of everything else in my life.  And even though it was not my intention to use the work to escape my life, because this has been such a well trodden path in my past there was no other destination that road was going to take me to.

I started noticing that I was overworking and still was feeling pretty stuck in it all.  I finally started to put the pieces together on what to do next.  I needed to design a life I wanted to be living IN.  Not hustle for my worth by overworking to sustain a life I could barely enjoy.  While this is a familiar pattern, it was not serving me any longer.  And that is now my chief concern in life.  I practice what I preach.  I am on a daily mission to put myself first, because I know that means all the things I put myself into get the best version of me.  My kids. My family. My friends. My clients. My peers. And more importantly this beautiful new endeavor of LearnToLoveYourStory.com, which is the most aligned my work and purpose in life have ever been.

So what’s next?  And what does that mean for you?  It means that this is my priority and I will put my heart and soul into it, instead of just my time and intellect.  I think the combination will flower into something really special.  And, I know the net result will make the world a better place from my little corner of the universe.

Do any of these sound like you?

    • Feel a sense of lack, despite success in life or having done everything “right”
    • Struggle to articulate how you feel to others
    • Experience guilt about how you’re feeling
    • Have lost your way
    • Are struggling to overcome turmoil in your life
    • Have become resigned to accepting a life you don’t love

Many of us are suffering like this — daily life has become an ordeal, and we don’t know where or how to find help.

Dr. Natalie’s Online Courses and Coaching CAN HELP. Click below and get started.

Click Here for Your FREE Gift

You don’t want to miss a thing we are doing here at LearnToLoveYourStory.com.  From our weekly podcasts to our library of blogs and videos that can help you step into a more centered life.

Allow Dr. Natalie to guide you on this empowering adventure to break free, rediscover your passion, and create the life you’ve always envisioned for yourself. Your journey to empowerment starts here. Join our Mailing List today!

JOIN NOW!


Coaching and Online Courses

Or, if you are looking for something a little more in depth, take a look at the Coaching and Online Courses to help your with your personal growth and development. These courses were developed as a Full Online Personal Development Course to be taken in order. Each skill builds upon the one before it in a scientifically based manner to help you best acquire and use these skills.

LEARN MORE

Need more clarity on your midlife journey? Sign up for a complimentary call with Dr. Natalie to explore if her transformative coaching program aligns with your aspirations.

Get personalized answers to your questions and discover if Dr. Natalie can help you untangle where you life is now and design the life you want to be living.

Don’t miss the opportunity to embark on a life-changing experience – schedule your complimentary call today and take the first step toward designing the life you deserve!

Please press the “START” button below to answer a few questions and schedule your consultation:


Disclaimer

The content in this blog is not a replacement for therapy and is not clinical, medical, or mental health treatment. Dr. Natalie Marr is a Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota. Her work with LearnToLoveYourStory.com and all affiliate social media entities is educational and coaching based ONLY. She IS NOT offering therapeutic services of any kind on these mediums.

If you or someone you know is having a mental health crisis or having thoughts of suicide, please use the following crisis resources (this is not an exhaustive list of available resources):

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

CALL 988

Crisis Text Line: https://www.crisistextline.org/

Text HOME to 741741

Bucking the System, Dr. Natalie Podcast, Self-Awareness, Self-Compassion, Selfish is the New Selfless

Podcast 56: From Survival to Thriving

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Special Interview with Susan Gold, Author & Transformationalist

In this episode, Susan Gold shares her journey of escaping a challenging upbringing and finding her own path to personal and professional success. She recounts her experiences working with Barbara Walters and Andy Warhol. Susan discusses the importance of living from the inside out and embracing change and growth. She also shares her insights on recognizing and overcoming patterns of behavior that she thought were helping her, but in the end were hurting her.

Overall, Susan’s story is one of resilience, transformation, and finding authentic freedom. In this conversation, Susan Gold shares her personal journey of healing from a toxic family system and offers insights and advice for others going through similar experiences. The conversation covers topics such as facing fear, seeking support, the importance of therapy and social support, reciprocity in relationships, and the power of sharing experiences and providing support. The conversation also highlights the importance of choosing self-empowerment and creating a life that aligns with one’s true desires.

Takeaways:

  • Embrace change and view challenges as opportunities for growth and transformation.
  • Live from the inside out and prioritize self-care and self-love.
  • Recognize and let go of performative behaviors that no longer serve you.
  • Embrace discomfort as a sign of growth and expansion.
  • Facing the fear and surrendering to the healing process is essential for moving forward.
  • Seeking support from friends, family, and professionals is crucial during difficult times.
  • Therapy and social support networks play a significant role in the healing journey.
  • Reciprocity in relationships is important, and it’s okay to lean on others for support.
  • Sharing experiences and providing support can be transformative for both the giver and the receiver.
  • Choosing self-empowerment and creating a life that aligns with one’s true desires is essential for personal growth and fulfillment.

For more information on Susan Gold and her work, visit her website at: ⁠https://www.susangold.us/

Do any of these sound like you?

    • Feel a sense of lack, despite success in life or having done everything “right”
    • Struggle to articulate how you feel to others
    • Experience guilt about how you’re feeling
    • Have lost your way
    • Are struggling to overcome turmoil in your life
    • Have become resigned to accepting a life you don’t love

Many of us are suffering like this — daily life has become an ordeal, and we don’t know where or how to find help.

Dr. Natalie’s Online Courses and Coaching CAN HELP. Click below and get started.

Click Here for Your FREE Gift

You don’t want to miss a thing we are doing here at LearnToLoveYourStory.com.  From our weekly podcasts to our library of blogs and videos that can help you step into a more centered life.

Allow Dr. Natalie to guide you on this empowering adventure to break free, rediscover your passion, and create the life you’ve always envisioned for yourself. Your journey to empowerment starts here. Join our Mailing List today!

Join Now

Need more clarity on your midlife journey? Sign up for a complimentary call with Dr. Natalie to explore if her transformative coaching program aligns with your aspirations.

Get personalized answers to your questions and discover if Dr. Natalie can help you untangle where you life is now and design the life you want to be living.

Don’t miss the opportunity to embark on a life-changing experience – schedule your complimentary call today and take the first step toward designing the life you deserve!

Please press the “START” button below to answer a few questions and schedule your consultation:


Keywords: Midlife transitions, Women in midlife, Self-discovery, Empowerment for women, Women’s empowerment, Personal growth, Relationships in midlife, Self-care for women, Authentic living, Thriving in midlife, Midlife journey, Women’s wellness, Expert insights, Redefining success, podcast for women, divorce, married to a narcissist, narcissism, gray divorce, survival mode, stress, starting over in midlife, podcast for women

Disclaimer

The content in this podcast and video is not a replacement for therapy and is not clinical, medical, or mental health treatment. Dr. Natalie Marr is a Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota. Her work with LearnToLoveYourStory.com and all affiliate social media entities is educational and coaching based ONLY. She IS NOT offering therapeutic services of any kind on these mediums.

If you or someone you know is having a mental health crisis or having thoughts of suicide, please use the following crisis resources (this is not an exhaustive list of available resources):

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

CALL 988

Crisis Text Line: https://www.crisistextline.org/

Text HOME to 741741

Areas of Content - Learn To Love Your Story Online Courses and Coaching, Dr. Marr’s Tips on Living in COVID-19, Learn to Love Your Story - Personal Development Course, Midlife Women

A Midlife Woman’s Guide for Breaking the Chains of Living in Survival Mode

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Let me tell you what I know about how hard it is to be a woman in midlife right about now. IMPOSSIBLE!!! And yet you don’t see any of us falling down like flies. NOPE…we are all in survival mode. A BEAST MODE if I’ve ever seen one and a mode that we have been in for more years of our lives than we would like to admit. Right now this survival mode is even more apparent as we try to make the impossible decisions of how to care for everyone else in our lives in this post-pandemic world. Whether we are caretakers or not, we are nurturing and this whole mess has us in a bad position.

For starters, we are no where near out of this COVID thing and that means we are no where near normal (whatever that means). The backlash of having had our lives turned upside down is the sister pandemic of a subsequent mental health crisis we are no in.  I Vlogged (see the video below) on this very issue at the start of this pandemic…it is hard and we are not going to come out the other side the same. We can’t. We will be forever changed by this experience.

I worry about women in midlife. We have no idea how this is going to affect us in the long run. And guess what, after all the waves of the physical illness are finally over…really over…no variants left and the whole thing under control…that is when people will start coming out of the emotional survival mode that they have been in since the start of this. So we have no idea what that fallout will look like, and I promise you we have not done the preparations for this. You thought not having enough PPE at the start of the pandemic for the front line workers was bad? Just wait until people are in mental health crisis and we learn how under staffed the mental health field is. Not to mention the fact that SO MANY people do not have the access to mental health resources or will not use these resources because of the stigma attached to “mental health” problems.

Sure we have had moments when we peeked out of the survival mode that we are in. Losing our $&#% on someone in traffic, at our family, or at that neighbor that is just driving us nuts. Yet, for the most part, we have been emotionally numb…what psychologists call dissociation. I wrote a blog and made a video (see below) on this subject not too long ago as well. Dissociation is the form of survival mode when we play dead. In the wild we see this when the gazelle gets caught by the lioness. It plays dead in the hopes that the lioness will let the gazelle go and move on for another kill. Meanwhile, the gazelle may have ONE LAST CHANCE of survival by waking up just enough to run away again. This is where we are at. We are the gazelle. We are playing dead, being real still and hoping as hard as we can that COVID will go away and things will be normal again (whatever that means).

So what does all this have to do with why I am afraid for women in midlife right now? Because so many women in midlife live a great deal of their adult existence in survival mode…and this is when there IS NOT a worldwide pandemic. We step up to the socially appropriate roles that we have been given, as pretty to look at, as caregivers and nurturers, as team players and not necessarily leaders (always the bridesmaid but never the bride). Yet we shy away from our own inner voices on how we should be in the world. Midlife is usually the natural time of transitions that land women in midlife square in the position to be coming into their own and moving out of the corsets of socially accepted roles. These transitions are difficult in their own right…not always crises, yet challenging enough. And you guessed it…going through COVID overshadowed this whole kitten caboodle and then added a crap ton more stress right on top of it.

When we come to the point when the physical illness portion of the pandemic comes under some form of control, midlife women are going to be under a level of duress that is likely to LEVEL them! This is what I am worried about it. It is why I created LearnToLoveYourStory.com. I knew there would not be enough therapists in the world or access to those therapists to save us all. We need more venues to gain access to the help we are going to need on the other side of this. Not to mention we are going to need each other…a community of women suffering in the same way, who know what its like and are equipped to lift one another up.

That’s where my Online Course and Coaching Programs will come in real handy. I designed my programs with just this purpose in mind. Ready made groups of women learning the skills of how to pivot through any life transition, courses that guide you on how you can do this at your own pace, and even individual coaching for those that want that personal touch through their growth process. Let’s help you to escape falling into a midlife crisis or some other demise.

So if you do nothing for yourself but this…take a look at my courses and programs, and join our free online community.  Make this coming year the year you design the life YOU WANT and that YOU LOVE. And send this blog to any women in midlife you know. They need to see it!!! They may look perfectly fine on the outside, yet the ugly truth is…that is the survival mode talking. When we come out of that mode, the emotional toll will seem to tall to manage for so very many of us.

Do any of these sound like you?

    •  
    • Feel a sense of lack, despite success in life or having done everything “right”
    • Struggle to articulate how you feel to others
    • Experience guilt about how you’re feeling
    • Have lost your way
    • Are struggling to overcome turmoil in your life
    • Have become resigned to accepting a life you don’t love

Many of us are suffering like this — daily life has become an ordeal, and we don’t know where or how to find help.

Dr. Natalie’s Online Courses and Coaching CAN HELP. Click below and get started.

Click Here for Your FREE Gift

You don’t want to miss a thing we are doing here at LearnToLoveYourStory.com.  From our weekly podcasts to our library of blogs and videos that can help you step into a more centered life.

Allow Dr. Natalie to guide you on this empowering adventure to break free, rediscover your passion, and create the life you’ve always envisioned for yourself. Your journey to empowerment starts here. Join our Mailing List today!

Join Now

Need more clarity on your midlife journey? Sign up for a complimentary call with Dr. Natalie to explore if her transformative coaching program aligns with your aspirations.

Get personalized answers to your questions and discover if Dr. Natalie can help you untangle where you life is now and design the life you want to be living. Don’t miss the opportunity to embark on a life-changing experience – schedule your complimentary call today and take the first step toward designing the life you deserve!

Please press the “START” button below to answer a few questions and schedule your consultation:

 

Keywords: Midlife transitions, Women in midlife, Self-discovery, Empowerment for women, Women’s empowerment, Personal growth, Relationships in midlife, Self-care for women, Authentic living, Thriving in midlife, Midlife journey, Women’s wellness, Expert insights, Redefining success, podcast for women, gray divorce, survival mode, stress, starting over in midlife

Disclaimer

The content in this podcast and video is not a replacement for therapy and is not clinical, medical, or mental health treatment. Dr. Natalie Marr is a Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota. Her work with LearnToLoveYourStory.com and all affiliate social media entities is educational and coaching based ONLY. She IS NOT offering therapeutic services of any kind on these mediums.

If you or someone you know is having a mental health crisis or having thoughts of suicide, please use the following crisis resources (this is not an exhaustive list of available resources):

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

CALL 988

Crisis Text Line: https://www.crisistextline.org/

Text HOME to 741741

Dr. Natalie Podcast, Midlife Women, Selfish is the New Selfless

Podcast 55: How to Face Midlife with Courage

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Special Interview with Midlife Podcaster, Kim Benoy

During this podcast, Dr. Natalie interviews Kim Benoy, a podcast host and advocate for inspiring women in midlife. They discuss Kim’s journey and the challenges faced by women in midlife. They also explore the importance of self-care, building self-confidence, and breaking patterns of feeling stuck. Dr. Natalie also tells us how Kim was a major inspiration behind starting the Midlife Crisis to a Centered Life Thriving podcast.

Kim shares her insights and offers advice for listeners. Overall, the conversation highlights the power of embracing change and pursuing personal growth in midlife. In this conversation, Kim Benoy discusses her transition from selling products to educating others about aromatherapy. She shares her plans to create a course and an oil subscription service to teach people how to use essential oils safely and appropriately. Kim emphasizes the importance of exploring alternatives to traditional medicine and adapting lifestyle to manage hormone symptoms. She encourages listeners to seek help and not suffer in silence.

Tune in and discover more resources for women in midlife and learn about Kim’s inspirational podcast, Midlife with Courage.

Takeaways:

  • Self-care is essential for women in midlife to be able to take care of others.
  • Taking stock of past accomplishments can help build self-confidence and a sense of worthiness.
  • Breaking patterns and feeling stuck requires conscious awareness and taking action.
  • Listening to your body and practicing self-care can lead to a healthier and more fulfilling life in midlife.

You could catch more about Midlife With Courage and Kim Benoy here:

Website: https://www.midlifewithcourage.com/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Midlifewithcourage

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/midlife_with_courage/

Podcast: https://www.midlifewithcourage.com/podcast

Blog: https://www.midlifewithcourage.com/blog

Do any of these sound like you?

    • Feel a sense of lack, despite success in life or having done everything “right”
    • Struggle to articulate how you feel to others
    • Experience guilt about how you’re feeling
    • Have lost your way
    • Are struggling to overcome turmoil in your life
    • Have become resigned to accepting a life you don’t love

Many of us are suffering like this — daily life has become an ordeal, and we don’t know where or how to find help.

Dr. Natalie’s Online Courses and Coaching CAN HELP. Click below and get started.

Click Here for Your FREE Gift

Unlock the next chapter of your life with our transformative 20-week group coaching package tailored for women in midlife. Embrace empowerment, break free from the status quo, and design a life that aligns with your true aspirations.

Join group coaching and allow Dr. Natalie to guide you on this empowering adventure to break free, rediscover your passion, and create the life you’ve always envisioned for yourself. Your journey to empowerment starts here. Let’s design the life you deserve!

Join Now

Need more clarity on your midlife journey? Sign up for a complimentary call with Dr. Natalie to explore if her transformative coaching program aligns with your aspirations.

Get personalized answers to your questions and discover if Dr. Natalie can help you untangle where you life is now and design the life you want to be living.

Don’t miss the opportunity to embark on a life-changing experience – schedule your complimentary call today and take the first step toward designing the life you deserve!

Book Your Complimentary Call

Please press the “START” button below to answer a few questions and schedule your consultation:


Keywords: Midlife transitions, Women in midlife, Self-discovery, Empowerment for women, Community support, Kim Benoy, Midlife With Courage, Women’s empowerment, Personal growth, MidlifeWithCourage.com, Relationships in midlife, Self-care for women, Essential Oils, Aromatherapy, Wellness resources, Authentic living, Thriving in midlife, Midlife journey, Women’s wellness, Expert insights, Redefining success, podcast for women

Disclaimer

The content in this podcast and video is not a replacement for therapy and is not clinical, medical, or mental health treatment. Dr. Natalie Marr is a Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota. Her work with LearnToLoveYourStory.com and all affiliate social media entities is educational and coaching based ONLY. She IS NOT offering therapeutic services of any kind on these mediums.

If you or someone you know is having a mental health crisis or having thoughts of suicide, please use the following crisis resources (this is not an exhaustive list of available resources):

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

CALL 988

Crisis Text Line: https://www.crisistextline.org/

Text HOME to 741741

Mumblings of a Midlife Mess

Midlife Can Feel Like Middle School Part II

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“People get used to anything. The less you think about your oppression, the more your tolerance for it grows. After a while, people just think oppression is the normal state of things. But to become free, you have to be acutely aware of being a slave.”

Assata Shakur

In many ways my coaching programs focus on the subject of self-liberation.  I find this term more closely represents the coaching program I have set up through Learn to Love Your Story than any other term I have tried using.  Self-empowerment, Personal Development, Growth Mindset, Life Transition Expertise…none of these fully capture what I am getting at in my programs.  What I really am seeking to do is help free people from the tyranny of the stories they have told themselves and the stories that have been told to them that make them feel small, unheard, and unseen in their lives.  And in the worst cases like they have somehow failed.  All of these stories are lies that have been told to us and that we are telling to ourselves that hold up the interests of the powers that be.  And it turns out a lot of those powers don’t serve us.  A LOT!!!

Midlife in many ways is a second adolescence.  One in which we gear up to take on the establishment and find our way in this world again.  You remember middle school right?  That Lord of the Flies hellhole where we figured out our rank in the social pecking order and sold our souls to the devil of “fitting in”.  That period of time is one of the most hellacious we go through.  We are ill prepared for the battle we face.  A battle of trying to be something we are not, in an effort to be accepted.  This is where the most difficult social conditioning occurs and we are at such an impressionable time in our lives.  Our brains are only starting to formulate the blueprints for our lives and instead are getting filled with crap intel from the treacherous halls of our middle school existence.  YUCK!

Well guess what?!?  If you are in this glorious stage we call midlife you are right back in that craziness again.  Your social currency is fading.  You aren’t as young, you’re body is not the same, and your social pecking order is changing right out from underneath you whether you want it to or not.  This can be one of the most uncomfortable phases of life.  Here we are again trying to make a place for ourselves in this world, trying to belong, while the world is telling a story of how we are inconsequential.  So what do we do?  We rebel as any good midlife adolescent would.  We have a midlife crisis.  We try to reinvent ourselves.  And sometimes this works for us, but sometimes it can all feel like it comes crashing down on us.

One of my favorite liberation quotes is by American Writer and 1960s Activist, James Baldwin, “It took many years of vomiting up all the filth I’d been taught about myself and half-believed before I was able to walk on the earth as though I had a right to be here.” That about sums it up, right?  When we are so indoctrinated in the social conditioning of who we “should” be, we really start to believe the BS that who we are is not good enough.  This is especially true in times of transition such as midlife.  Here is my advice to all of us…LET THAT SHIT GO!!!

“It took many years of vomiting up all the filth I’d been taught about myself and half-believed before I was able to walk on the earth as though I had a right to be here.”

James Baldwin

Another quote by Comedian, Writer, and Producer Amy Poehler explains how hard “letting go” can be for women, “It takes years as a woman to unlearn what you have been taught to be sorry for.”  What this demonstrates is that it is so much harder than just letting it go.  It takes another approach entirely.  It takes a personal journey of liberating oneself from the culture that has taught us who we are is something to be apologized for in the first place.  We have to shed the years of our conditioning that taught us there is an ideal that we are supposed to be working towards and emulating, instead of reveling in the absolute miracle that is us.  I mean think about it!  You are the only version of you that is like you.  THE ONLY ONE.  That means in the nearly 8 billion lives on earth right now, no one is just like you.  NO ONE. Not even if you are a twin or multiple.  Not to mention there has never been and never will be a you just like you, in the billions of lives that have been and ever will be.  That is an amazing FACT!

“It takes years as a woman to unlearn what you have been taught to be sorry for.”

Amy Poeler

LIBERATE yourself from this idea that family, religion, culture, and society have given you about what the ideal version of who you should be is.  How do they know? How could they know?  There is ONLY ONE YOU!  How in the world would they know what the worthy version of you is?  Quick answer…they don’t.  So liberate yourself from this idea that your “best self” is learned from others or that the answer is somewhere outside yourself.  Its learned from you.  The answer is in you.  You only need to liberate yourself to find it.

Dr. Natalie Podcast, Emotional Wellness, Midlife Women, Selfish is the New Selfless

Podcast 54: Dr. Natalie’s Favorite Guest – Her Sister

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In this conversation, Dr. Natalie and her sister Leigh discuss various topics related to personal experiences, challenges, and self-growth. They touch on job downsizing, growing up in an alcoholic family, and the importance of self-worth. They also explore the concepts of blame shifting, self-betrayal, and making empowered decisions during midlife transitions. Throughout the conversation, they emphasize the need to take control of situations and focus on personal growth and self-awareness.

Dr. Natalie’s sister, Leigh, shares her experiences of feeling overwhelmed and drowning in work. She discusses the importance of resilience and how she developed it, telling us about the influence of her upbringing and the lessons she learned early in life. She emphasizes the importance of being a difference maker and leading by example. She concludes by offering advice for those feeling stuck and the importance of self-care.

You won’t want to miss this fun discussion between sisters. We hope you enjoy it!

Takeaways from Today’s Podcast:

  • Personal experiences and challenges can provide valuable lessons and opportunities for growth.
  • Trusting others and making decisions based on self-worth are important aspects of personal development.
  • Blame shifting and self-betrayal are unproductive behaviors that hinder personal growth.
  • Recognize when you are feeling overwhelmed and drowning in work. Take steps to separate yourself from the situation and make changes.
  • Develop resilience by focusing on life rafts rather than dwelling on the feeling of drowning.
  • The ability to bounce back from challenges and setbacks is often influenced by upbringing and the lessons learned from parents.
  • Being a difference maker means making a positive impact on others’ lives, even through small actions or words.
  • Taking care of yourself first is crucial for maintaining strength and energy to continue making a difference.
  • Creating a clean and organized space can help clear the mind and improve overall well-being.
  • When feeling stuck, focus on what you need and take care of yourself.
  • Determine the next right thing to do and take action.

Do any of these sound like you?

    • Feel a sense of lack, despite success in life or having done everything “right”
    • Struggle to articulate how you feel to others
    • Experience guilt about how you’re feeling
    • Have lost your way
    • Are struggling to overcome turmoil in your life
    • Have become resigned to accepting a life you don’t love

Many of us are suffering like this — daily life has become an ordeal, and we don’t know where or how to find help.

Dr. Natalie’s Online Courses and Coaching CAN HELP. Click below and get started.

Click Here for Your FREE Gift

Don’t miss a podcast, blog, or event again!  Dr. Natalie has tons of great material to help you navigate your midlife transition and she doesn’t want you to miss a thing.  Be sure to sign up for our mailing list now and receive this FREE video and workbook, “Freeing Yourself: A Guide for Letting Go of Other People’s Opinions”.

Sign Up Now

Need more clarity on your midlife journey? Sign up for a complimentary call with Dr. Natalie to explore if her transformative coaching program aligns with your aspirations.

Get personalized answers to your questions and discover if Dr. Natalie can help you untangle where you life is now and design the life you want to be living.

Don’t miss the opportunity to embark on a life-changing experience – schedule your complimentary call today and take the first step toward designing the life you deserve!

Book Your Complimentary Call

Please press the “START” button below to answer a few questions and schedule your consultation:


Disclaimer

The content in this podcast and video is not a replacement for therapy and is not clinical, medical, or mental health treatment. Dr. Natalie Marr is a Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota. Her work with LearnToLoveYourStory.com and all affiliate social media entities is educational and coaching based ONLY. She IS NOT offering therapeutic services of any kind on these mediums.

If you or someone you know is having a mental health crisis or having thoughts of suicide, please use the following crisis resources (this is not an exhaustive list of available resources):

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

CALL 988

Crisis Text Line: https://www.crisistextline.org/

Text HOME to 741741

Dr. Marr’s Tips on Living in COVID-19, Self-Awareness, The Effects of Adverse Childhood Experiences on Adult Life

The Difficulty of Being in the Now

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As with many of my blog topics…this one hits close to home. The idea that there are people in this world that struggle to want to be in the present moment, not because of their obligations and responsibilities (although we often guise them as such), rather because the present is the most threatening place of all for us to be.

Think about that? It means we will miss “being” with the people we love, because even when we have the time to do it we don’t have the emotional tolerance for it. And, of course, we are drawn to one another as partners, because the equal intolerance of the present allows us the illusion of being with someone, while in actuality we are participating in parallel role play in many ways. But that is a blog for another day.

I here some of you saying, “What in the hell are you talking about, Doc?”, while others are wondering, “How does she know that about me?”. Let me start from the beginning then, instead of only talking about what the result is once we are in our adulthood.

I think the single most cutting pain an adult who survived adverse childhood experiences will suffer, is that of missing the life they were given in exchange for surviving the life they were ‘told’ to live. Because essentially that is what it boils down to. In their adverse childhood experiences they were ‘told’ what their role was through abuse or neglect of various kinds. They adapted. They were ingenious at being exactly who they needed to be in order to survive the adverse experience. Yet the chief adaptation to not being able to actually leave your abuse or neglect, is for your brain to ‘tell’ you that you have left, by teaching you how to never live in the present. Unfortunately there comes a time when your life becomes stable and you would like to be able to live in the moment. Yet by now, you have honed the skill of feeling threatened by the present and leaving it as soon as you feel you are there.

I think the single most cutting pain an adult who survived adverse childhood experiences will suffer, is that of missing the life they were given in exchange for surviving the life they were ‘told’ to live.

Natalie M. Marr, Psy.D., LP

And there is the rub. If your brain saves you from the damage of living in the present moment during your adverse experiences as a child, then it also will take you away from being in the present later in your life. Not that this can’t be addressed with therapy and healed to some extent…the problem is that many people don’t discover that they are doing this.

Listen, I am a psychologist, and I am still recognizing this tendency in myself. As the adult child of alcoholic parents, there was turmoil in my household. More so towards the end of my parents marriage while my younger two siblings and I still lived in the home and our older siblings were out of the house. I cannot speak for my siblings, but after years of therapy and self-healing work, I can see some clear correlations between how I operate in my adult life and this learned behavior from my childhood of wanting to be anywhere but here. One of the ways I escaped was through acquiring knowledge. Thus I ended up the Valedictorian of my high school class, Magna Cum Laude in college, and had a stellar GPA in graduate school (which I’d honestly have to look at my transcript to remember). I didn’t want to be ’in’ my life, so instead I started to accumulate knowledge with a determination to better understand how life works.

Lucky for you, I have this knowledge and the desire to do my own work, so that I can teach others this stuff in a more tangible way. Not lucky for me, I still struggle to this day with overworking and choosing to be in my head about things work/knowledge related rather than enjoy time with my family and friends. One of the tells around this issue in fact, is the way that I feel almost nervous, like I am forgetting something, when I am just trying to hang out with my kids. I hate this. It was a sad revelation to me when I finally made the connection. Everything in my adult wise mind tells me that I want to be with my kids, want to enjoy those small moments, and want them to enjoy those moments too. Yet, the Limbic system in my brain is screaming at me to leave, threatened to its core that staying here in the moment will result in emotional pain.

photo of woman hugging her children while smiling
Photo by Ketut Subiyanto on Pexels.com

So, to go back to where we began, there are a lot of us in this world that feel the same way. We know we should want to be in the moment and relish the things. We just can’t seem to make ourselves settle down long enough to really enjoy it. And of course we are all at varying levels of awareness with this as well. Some of us don’t realize it at all, while others are aware and have told themselves the narrative that this is just because they are so busy and have so many obligations. Have you ever questioned why that is? Why you make a point out of finding new responsibilities whenever there is opportunity, almost like you are compelled to do it? Well you are compelled…by your Limbic system. By your childhood survival adaptation of being more preoccupied with what you wanted to do next, to ever stay in the present moment.

It was a sad revelation to me when I finally made the connection. Everything in my adult wise mind tells me that I want to be with my kids, want to enjoy those small moments, and want them to enjoy those moments too. Yet, the Limbic system in my brain is screaming at me to leave, threatened to its core that staying here in the moment will result in emotional pain.

Natalie M. Marr, Psy. D., LP

If any of this sounds familiar to you, I cannot encourage you enough to talk to a counselor or therapist about it. And you may even be a little picky about the kind of counselor or therapist. Ask if they are trained in developmental psychology, attachment theory, the effects of adverse childhood experiences on adult life, Mindfulness based practices, or even just in trauma. These skill sets in mental health professionals are all geared towards helping you uncover the whys behind these tendencies and to help bring it into your self-awareness. Self-awareness becomes a super power of sorts. Just knowing you have the tendency to do this allows space for you to start to train yourself to tolerate being in the present more.

Stay patient with yourself though. This work is slow many times. Remember, if you have spent a lifetime with a brain who believes that being in the present moment is as scary as laying in the tiger’s mouth…well, it’ll be a hot minute before you teach your brain that the present isn’t dangerous.

Dr. Natalie Podcast, The New You!

NEW PODCAST Debut

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Podcast: Life Sucks, Now What?!?

Episode Title: Do I Attract Negative People In My Life?

Life Sucks, Now What?!? YouTube Channel

Dr. Natalie has started A NEW PODCAST! In this debut episode of “Life Sucks, Now What?!?”, Dr. Natalie dives deep into the question: “Do I attract negative people?” Join her as she unpacks the psychological dynamics behind attracting negativity into our lives. With insightful analysis and practical wisdom, Dr. Natalie offers strategies for understanding and navigating these patterns.

Welcome to Dr. Natalie M. Marr, Psy.D., LP’s channel, where psychology meets everyday life! Join clinical psychologist Dr. Natalie as she provides expert insights and actionable tips to enhance your well-being. This engaging podcast addresses questions and offers expert advice on topics such as mental health, relationships, psychology, stress management, anxiety, communication skills, emotional resilience, personal growth, well-being, and self-care.

Whether you’re navigating the complexities of relationships or seeking personal growth, “Life Sucks, No What?” is your go-to resource for practical advice backed by psychological expertise. Discover evidence-based strategies to boost your mental health and cultivate meaningful connections. Dr. Natalie combines her professional experience with a down-to-earth approach, making complex psychological concepts accessible to everyone. Tune in to gain valuable insights that empower you to navigate life’s challenges with confidence.

Do any of these sound like you?

    • Feel a sense of lack, despite success in life or having done everything “right”
    • Struggle to articulate how you feel to others
    • Experience guilt about how you’re feeling
    • Have lost your way
    • Are struggling to overcome turmoil in your life
    • Have become resigned to accepting a life you don’t love

Many of us are suffering like this — daily life has become an ordeal, and we don’t know where or how to find help.

Dr. Natalie’s Online Courses and Coaching CAN HELP. Click below and get started.

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Unlock the next chapter of your life with our transformative 20-week group coaching package tailored for women in midlife. Embrace empowerment, break free from the status quo, and design a life that aligns with your true aspirations.

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Keywords: Negative people, Psychological dynamics, Attracting negativity, Positive mindset, Breaking free from negativity, Understanding relationships, Psychological underpinnings, Dr. Natalie Marr, Life Sucks, Now What?!?, Personal growth

Disclaimer

The content in this podcast and video is not a replacement for therapy and is not clinical, medical, or mental health treatment. Dr. Natalie Marr is a Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota. Her work with LearnToLoveYourStory.com and all affiliate social media entities is educational and coaching based ONLY. She IS NOT offering therapeutic services of any kind on these mediums.

If you or someone you know is having a mental health crisis or having thoughts of suicide, please use the following crisis resources (this is not an exhaustive list of available resources):

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

CALL 988

Crisis Text Line: https://www.crisistextline.org/

Text HOME to 741741