Tag Archives: self empowerment

Bucking the System, Dr. Natalie Podcast, Midlife Women, Selfish is the New Selfless

The Exhausting Lie that Perfectionism Sold You

Summary:

This episode explores the impact of perfectionism, societal conditioning, and hormonal changes during midlife on women’s mental health. Dr. Natalie shares data, personal insights, and practical advice to help women love themselves and navigate this transformative phase with resilience.

Keywords:

midlife, women, perfectionism, mental health, hormonal changes, self-love, resilience, menopause, societal conditioning

Key topics:

  • Perfectionism and its impact on mental health
  • The connection between hormonal changes and emotional well-being
  • Societal conditioning and self-betrayal in women
  • Practical steps to cultivate self-love and resilience

Sound bites:

  • “Relearn who you are and what you want.”
  • “Deserving love even when you screw up.”
  • “You do not have to be good.”

Chapters:

  • 00:00 The Burden of Perfectionism in Midlife
  • 03:24 Understanding the Mental Health Crisis for Women
  • 11:29 The Impact of Hormonal Changes and Medical Misunderstandings
  • 28:13 Reclaiming Self-Worth and Breaking Free from Perfectionism
  • 36:18 Introduction and Disclaimer
  • 37:55 Crisis Resources and Support

Resources & Links to Connect with Dr. Natalie:

Resources:

DISCLAIMER:

The content in this podcast and video is not a replacement for therapy and is not clinical, medical, or mental health treatment. Dr. Natalie Marr is a Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota. Her work with Learn To Love Your Story coaching ⁠⁠(⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://LearnToLoveYourStory.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠)⁠ and her private practice ⁠(⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://NatalieMarrCounseling.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠),⁠ and all affiliate social media entities are educational ONLY. She IS NOT offering therapeutic or coaching services of any kind on these mediums.

If you or someone you know is having a mental health crisis or having thoughts of suicide, please use the following crisis resources (this is not an exhaustive list of available resources):

Bucking the System, Dr. Natalie Podcast, Midlife Women

Why You Keep Attracting the Same Kind of Relationship (And What to Actually Do About It)

Episode Summary:

Dr. Natalie explores the psychological and physical factors contributing to the rising divorce rates among women in midlife, emphasizing patterns of behavior, stress, and self-awareness. She offers insights into how women can recognize and shift these patterns to improve their relationships and well-being.

Keywords:

midlife, divorce, women, psychology, self-awareness, patterns, stress, relationships, mental health, self-care

Key topics:

  • Statistics on midlife divorce rates
  • Psychological patterns in women’s relationships
  • Impact of hormones and stress on midlife women

Sound bites:

  • “The average age of divorce is 45.”
  • “Women initiate 66% of divorces.”
  • “People pleasing patterns are deeply ingrained.”

Chapters:

00:00 Understanding Divorce Statistics and Trends
03:23 Psychological Patterns in Midlife Women
16:07 Breaking the Cycle of People-Pleasing
27:47 Empowering Women to Embrace Change

Resources & Links to Connect with Dr. Natalie:

DISCLAIMER:

The content in this podcast and video is not a replacement for therapy and is not clinical, medical, or mental health treatment. Dr. Natalie Marr is a Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota. Her work with ⁠⁠(⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://LearnToLoveYourStory.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠)⁠, ⁠(⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://NatalieMarrCounseling.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠),⁠ and all affiliate social media entities is educational and coaching based ONLY. She IS NOT offering therapeutic services of any kind on these mediums.

If you or someone you know is having a mental health crisis or having thoughts of suicide, please use the following crisis resources (this is not an exhaustive list of available resources):

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org⁠/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠or CALL 988

Crisis Text Line: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.crisistextline.org/ or⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Text HOME to 741741

Dr. Natalie Podcast

Why Burning Out at 50 is More About Brain Habits Than Age

In this conversation, Dr. Natalie reflects on her journey through midlife, particularly focusing on the challenges of perimenopause and the emotional turmoil that often accompanies it. She discusses the importance of letting go of societal expectations and the pressure to conform, emphasizing the need for self-acceptance and compassion. Dr. Natalie also explores the concept of procedural memory and how our ingrained habits can shape our perceptions and emotional responses. Ultimately, she encourages listeners to redefine their narratives and embrace a centered midlife, free from the burdens of self-judgment and societal standards.
Episode 117: Expert Advice on Addressing the #1 Symptom in Perimenopause:⁠ https://spotifycreators-web.app.link/e/y7WjcCkjf1b⁠ or ⁠https://youtu.be/GFTFQGbN1rg⁠
Keywords:
midlife, perimenopause, self-acceptance, emotional health, procedural memory, self-compassion, personal growth, women empowerment, mental health, life transitions

Takeaways

  • Turning 50 can be a liberating experience.
  • It’s important to decide what truly matters to us.
  • Perimenopause can bring significant emotional challenges.
  • Irritability is a common symptom of hormonal changes.95% of our thoughts and behaviors are pre-programmed.
  • We can reprogram our thoughts to be more compassionate.
  • Self-acceptance is crucial for mental well-being.
  • We often hold ourselves to unrealistic standards.
  • It’s essential to shift our narratives about ourselves.
  • You are not broken; you are a work in progress.

Sound bites

“I was waking up that way.”
“Tell yourself a new story.”
“You are not broken.”

Chapters

00:00 Embracing Midlife: A New Perspective
06:35 Reprogramming the Mind: Breaking Free from Old Habits
12:20 Redefining Self-Worth: A Journey to Centered Midlife

Resources & Links to Connect with Dr. Natalie:

Website: ⁠⁠https://LearnToLoveYourStory.com⁠⁠ ⁠⁠
Facebook: ⁠facebook.com/learntoloveyourstory⁠⁠
Instagram:⁠⁠ instagram.com/dr.nataliemarr⁠⁠
Linked In: ⁠⁠linkedin.com/in/natalie-m-marr-psy-d-lp-6a9298147⁠⁠
Tik Tok: ⁠⁠tiktok.com/@doc.natalie⁠⁠

DISCLAIMER:

The content in this podcast and video is not a replacement for therapy and is not clinical, medical, or mental health treatment. Dr. Natalie Marr is a Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota. Her work with ⁠⁠(⁠⁠⁠⁠https://LearnToLoveYourStory.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠)⁠, ⁠(⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://NatalieMarrCounseling.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠),⁠ and all affiliate social media entities is educational and coaching based ONLY. She IS NOT offering therapeutic services of any kind on these mediums. If you or someone you know is having a mental health crisis or having thoughts of suicide, please use the following crisis resources (this is not an exhaustive list of available resources):

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
⁠https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org⁠/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
CALL 988

Crisis Text Line:
⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.crisistextline.org/⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠
Text HOME to 741741

Dr. Natalie Podcast, Midlife Women, Self-Awareness, Self-Compassion

What to Let Go of in Midlife

In this heartfelt episode, Dr. Natalie addresses midlife women feeling overwhelmed by the pressure to fix and manage everything alone. She offers insight into how hyper-independence and the fear of abandonment can contribute to burnout and midlife struggles—and most importantly, how self-love can help rewrite these patterns.


Key Topics:

  • The emotional toll of hyper-independence in midlife women
  • The neurochemistry of pursuit and addiction to dopamine hits
  • Childhood experiences shaping adult patterns of fixing and pleasing
  • Recognizing and interrupting the spiral of justification and validation
  • The importance of self-love as an antidote to burnout and scarcity mindset
  • How fear of abandonment fuels hyper-independence
  • Practical steps to love yourself through mistakes and vulnerabilities
  • Moving away from rescuing everyone and focusing on personal peace

Time Stamps

00:00 – Addressing hyper-independent women in midlife

02:09 – The neurochemical roots of pursuit and addiction to dopamine

03:34 – How the chase reinforces the cycle of burnout

04:33 – Personal stories of controlling or fixing others

05:58 – Childhood patterns influencing adult need for approval

06:53 – Recognizing the spiral of justifying and validating

08:22 – The pain of not being liked or validated

09:04 – The risks of over-investment in work and relationships

10:30 – How derailments in pursuit reveal deeper patterns

11:56 – The spiral of self-justification in times of stress

13:20 – The link between childhood chaos and adult control issues

14:19 – Self-love as the key to breaking free from cycles

16:41 – The importance of loving yourself despite mistakes

19:34 – Understanding the fear of rejection and scarcity mindset

20:03 – Letting go of blame and the need for approval

21:01 – Managing relationships without spiraling into chaos

22:24 – Embracing age and experience for self-compassion

23:21 – The power of loving your story, including dysfunction

24:19 – Sharing this message with other midlife women

25:17 – Letting go of the cycle of justification and abandonment fears

26:15 – Finding peace and building inner self-worth

Resources and Links

Connect with Dr. Natalie:

Website https://LearnToLoveYourStory.com⁠⁠
Facebook facebook.com/learntoloveyourstory
Instagram instagram.com/dr.nataliemarr
Linked In linkedin.com/in/natalie-m-marr-psy-d-lp-6a9298147
Tik Tok tiktok.com/@doc.natalie

DISCLAIMER:

The content in this podcast and video is not a replacement for therapy and is not clinical, medical, or mental health treatment. Dr. Natalie Marr is a Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota. Her work with ⁠⁠(⁠LearnToLoveYourStory.com⁠⁠⁠⁠)⁠, ⁠(⁠⁠⁠⁠NatalieMarrCounseling.com⁠⁠⁠),⁠ and all affiliate social media entities is educational and coaching based ONLY. She IS NOT offering therapeutic services of any kind on these mediums.

If you or someone you know is having a mental health crisis or having thoughts of suicide, please use the following crisis resources (this is not an exhaustive list of available resources):

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org⁠/⁠⁠⁠⁠ or CALL 988

Crisis Text Line: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.crisistextline.org/ or⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠Text HOME to 741741

Dr. Natalie Podcast, Midlife Women

The Great Unlearning: Reclaiming Self-Worth in Midlife

Summary
In this episode, Dr. Natalie explores the concept of ‘The Great Unlearning,’ a transformative journey that challenges the societal belief that doing everything right leads to a fulfilling life. She reflects on her personal experiences, particularly during midlife, where she realized that striving for perfection and external validation often leads to burnout and disillusionment. Dr. Natalie emphasizes the importance of self-worth and the need to reclaim it from within, rather than through external achievements or approval. Through poignant anecdotes, she illustrates how the pressure to conform to societal expectations can lead to a double life and emotional turmoil, ultimately advocating for a shift towards self-love and acceptance.

Dr. Natalie introduces the metaphor of the tugboat versus the lighthouse to illustrate the difference between exhausting oneself in the pursuit of perfection and standing firm in one’s self-worth. She encourages listeners to reflect on their own lives, identifying where they may be sacrificing their well-being in the name of doing everything right. The episode serves as a powerful reminder that true fulfillment comes from within, and that midlife can be an opportunity for profound personal growth and self-discovery.

Keywords:
midlife, self-worth, personal growth, self-love, great unlearning, emotional well-being, tugboat lighthouse metaphor, reclaiming self-worth, Dr. Natalie

Takeaways:
​The version of you that you’re most proud of may be blocking your actual life.
​Midlife can be an invitation to examine the mess of our lives and love it as it is.
​Reclaiming self-worth from the inside out is essential for true fulfillment.

Sound bites:
“What if I told you that the version of you that you’re most proud of… is in the way of your actual life?”
“Today we’re gonna talk about the great unlearning.”
“You do not need to fix yourself. You just need to find yourself.”

Chapters:
00:00 Introduction to The Great Unlearning
03:49 A Holiday Dinner Reflection
10:20 The Tugboat vs. The Lighthouse
18:10 The Power of Self-Love
23:39 Reflecting on Your Journey
JOIN the https://LearnToLoveYourStory.com⁠⁠ Mailing List! Join my newsletter and receive my FREE video and workbook, “Freeing Yourself: A Guide for Letting Go of Other People’s Opinions”

SIGN UP on the website at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://dashboard.mailerlite.com/forms/762561/109840834025752017/share⁠⁠⁠⁠ DISCLAIMER: The content in this podcast and video is not a replacement for therapy and is not clinical, medical, or mental health treatment. Dr. Natalie Marr is a Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota. Her work with ⁠⁠(⁠https://LearnToLoveYourStory.com⁠⁠⁠⁠)⁠, ⁠(⁠⁠⁠⁠https://NatalieMarrCounseling.com⁠⁠⁠),⁠ and all affiliate social media entities is educational and coaching based ONLY. She IS NOT offering therapeutic services of any kind on these mediums. If you or someone you know is having a mental health crisis or having thoughts of suicide, please use the following crisis resources (this is not an exhaustive list of available resources): National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org⁠/⁠⁠⁠⁠
CALL 988Crisis Text Line: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.crisistextline.org/⁠⁠⁠⁠
⁠⁠⁠Text HOME to 741741

Archived Blogs from Natalie Marr Counseling, Midlife Women, The New You!

There’s More to Life Than Just “Not Sucking”

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What child while dreaming of what they want to be when they grow up says, “I can’t wait until I grow up and don’t suck!”?  Answer, NO ONE…EVER!!!  Our dreams as young ones usually involve being superheroes, royalty, and occasionally even something more down to earth, like a firefighter, doctor, or police officer.  Then we get a little older and we realize that some of the fantastical dreams may be out of our reach (it was a sad day for me when I realized that animals would only talk to Dr. Doolittle and my zoologist dream may not come true after all), yet we still keep dreaming.  I wanted to be a medical doctor. Then I met Chemistry and thought…what about a psychologist? I’ve been listening to my friends and family for years, so how hard can that be.

In all seriousness, though, when I work with folks in therapy the thing that speaks the loudest to me is whether they are still dreaming…still hopeful that there is something out there for them in life. When this goes, it is usually because helplessness and hopelessness have crept in.  Sure, sometimes we call it being adult, pragmatic or realistic, yet in reality losing sight of our dreams or feeling that dreams cannot be attained is truly crippling. If I ask a client, what kinds of things do you look forward to or where do you see yourself headed, and I get a response like, “I don’t know Doc.  I’m not really sure what my goals are.”  This is when I know that there is work to be done.  Because really, no one looks forward to just not sucking.  We may want to have relief from our pain, a reprieve from low self-esteem, or an ability to think more positively, but these are not the goals.  These are byproducts.  Good byproducts, but not the star we wish to reach for. And certainly, not what we thought we were going to be when we grew up…someone that doesn’t suck.

“So Doc, what next? I’ve come into your office looking to make this depression go away or to learn how to make my anxiety less of a burden in my life.  How do I accomplish this if I am not focused on fixing it…on not sucking?”

Well my friend, the short answer to that is, find your way back to your hopes and dreams.  Find your way back to aligning with what you want in life.  Dream. And don’t just dream…DREAM BIG!!!  Why? Because feeling better comes when we have a focus to feel better about.  Feeling better hardly ever comes when our focus is just to feel less bad then we do at present.

“Ok Doc.  So how do I dream again, when there is rent to be paid, food to put on the table, work (that I don’t even like) to be done?  I love your optimism that it is as easy as dreaming again, but my life just isn’t that easy.”

I hear you.  And you’re right, life isn’t that easy.  My push back to you, is that neither are dreams.  Neither are goals that are worth sacrificing for.  Neither is failing on your way to meet those dreams and goals, only to have to get back up and keep at it.  None of that is easy.  The silver lining is, when we work hard and meet a goal, we feel good and it’s because we worked so hard for it and know that it is a true accomplishment.  If we feel good, chances are we are sucking less.  So, my challenge to you, my friends, is to stop looking to suck less and start remembering what you wanted to be when you grew up.

Or start thinking BIG about what new and exciting thing you want to accomplish (even if you have no reasonable clue where to begin). Because dreams are not built to be easy and we are not well-oiled machines.  If this was the case, anyone could accomplish the dreams we have. No! Dreams are meant to push us beyond ourselves and will help us to be people well beyond someone that just doesn’t suck.

It’s like the old saying goes, “Shoot for the stars and you may just reach the moon.”

Do any of these sound like you?

    •  
    • Feel a sense of lack, despite success in life or having done everything “right”
    • Struggle to articulate how you feel to others
    • Experience guilt about how you’re feeling
    • Have lost your way
    • Are struggling to overcome turmoil in your life
    • Have become resigned to accepting a life you don’t love

Many of us are suffering like this — daily life has become an ordeal, and we don’t know where or how to find help.

Dr. Natalie’s Online Courses and Coaching CAN HELP. Click below and get started.

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Unlock the next chapter of your life with our transformative 20-week group coaching package tailored for women in midlife. Embrace empowerment, break free from the status quo, and design a life that aligns with your true aspirations. Join group coaching and allow Dr. Natalie to guide you on this empowering adventure to break free, rediscover your passion, and create the life you’ve always envisioned for yourself. Your journey to empowerment starts here. Let’s design the life you deserve!

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Need more clarity on your midlife journey? Sign up for a complimentary call with Dr. Natalie to explore if her transformative coaching program aligns with your aspirations. Get personalized answers to your questions and discover if Dr. Natalie can help you untangle where you life is now and design the life you want to be living. Don’t miss the opportunity to embark on a life-changing experience – schedule your complimentary call today and take the first step toward designing the life you deserve!

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Disclaimer

The content in this blog is not a replacement for therapy and is not clinical, medical, or mental health treatment. Dr. Natalie Marr is a Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota. Her work with LearnToLoveYourStory.com and all affiliate social media entities is educational and coaching based ONLY. She IS NOT offering therapeutic services of any kind on these mediums.

If you or someone you know is having a mental health crisis or having thoughts of suicide, please use the following crisis resources (this is not an exhaustive list of available resources):

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

CALL 988

Crisis Text Line: https://www.crisistextline.org/

Text HOME to 741741

Current Events, Emotional Wellness

Sex for Women in Midlife is ALL in the Context

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Sexual desire and pleasure are things that seem to reportedly decline for women in midlife. Such BS! That is not what is really going on. It is not our age that dictates the decline in our enjoyment and desire of sex…it is our context that is crippling us.

Listen ladies. I get it. We have a lot on our plates. We are exhausted and yet driven, so we keep on the hamster wheel of life doing ALL THE THINGS, hoping that someday we will arrive at the end of our “To Do” list and finally be able to take that deep breath.

Why do we do this to ourselves? We know that there is no end to the responsibilities, yet we keep illuding ourselves into believing there will be an end and at that end we will finally feel better. Sorry sisters…there is no end.

What there IS, are empowered choices we can be making to step into a life of our choosing. I know it seems like this cannot be the case. That we simply could never pick ourselves over the many duties we have. And yet, if we do not pick ourselves…what do you think happens to all the people we do things for? They get less! Less quality from us. Less quantity from us! Less us! I know this is not what you are aiming for, so come join me February 13 and 20, 2022 to hear more about how to fix this with regard to your sex life.

Let’s change the context!

Bucking the System

How to Get Past Living by Rigid Roles

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Have you ever thought about how the roles that you play in your life? Hidden within them can be a rigid plan for who and what we can be in our lives? When we get over identified with the roles that we serve in our life, we might begin to lose our zest for living.

Roles can be like a straight jacket that restrict us to only being able to fill the qualities of the part that we play in that role. It does not allow for creativity and is at the heart of feeling “stuck“. Watch as Dr. Natalie helps us better understand in this video why roles are so restrictive and how we can change that in our lives.

Come to our monthly Master Class for FREE, in an intimate coffee and conversation setting. This is a great place to get some FREE Group Coaching from Dr. Natalie, helping you be the best version of yourself all the time. Please be sure to sign up. Even if you can’t join every month, you will be part of the mailing list to hear about the topics and get the video highlights sent out afterwards, so it is well worth it.

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