This episode explores the emotional shock many midlife women feel when they drop a child off at college and come home to a quieter house. Dr. Natalie reframes empty nesting as more than just missing a child – it can be a loss of role, identity, and a long-standing way of getting needs met. She also connects this transition to grief, self-worth, caregiving patterns, and the need to build a new relationship with yourself as kids become independent.
Keywords and Phrases
empty nesting
grief
identity loss
motherhood
caregiving
self-worth
pattern interrupt
self-abandonment
midlife transition
perimenopause
inner critic
rebuilding yourself
self-reflection
Quotes:
“The reward for being a good parent is that they’re gonna eventually not be in our lives every day.”
“The person you’re gonna pick up and caretake for the rest of your life, that’s you.”
“Self-abandonment is not a great way to manage grief and loss.”
“What hurts is not just the child leaving, but the loss of being needed.”
The inner critic often shows up when you’re trying something new.”
“The work now is building a relationship with yourself.”
Key topics:
Empty nesting can feel intolerable because it is not only separation, it is a major identity disruption.
Dr. Natalie says many women are grieving the loss of the mom role, not just the child leaving home.
If self-worth has been tied to being a “good mom,” empty nesting can trigger a crisis of identity.
Some women have also used parenting as the main way they have ever felt loved, which makes the transition even harder.
Parenting may have functioned as a coping strategy to numb old wounds, especially for women who grew up in emotionally barren families.
Her central message is that the path forward is building a relationship with yourself through reflection, counseling, new friendships, and honest self-inquiry.
Timestamps
(00:00) Why empty nesting hits so hard in midlife
(01:22) The grief of letting kids go
(03:46) When over-contacting children can damage the relationship
(04:16) Grieving the role, not just the child
(05:44) When worthiness gets tied to caregiving
(08:06) Parenting as a source of being loved
(09:03) Grief as a recurring process, not a single emotion
(10:03) Building a relationship with yourself
(11:28) Parenting as a way to avoid other unresolved issues
(12:18) Why counseling or coaching can help in this transition
(13:39) How Gen X women were trained to hide needs
(14:38) Midlife, menopause, and lower distress tolerance
(18:27) Relearning relationships and needs outside the family role
(20:48) Empty nesting as a pattern interrupt
(21:47) Moving through transition with less resilience
(23:15) Journaling, reflection, and making space for self-knowledge
(24:42) The inner critic as a sign of change, not failure
(27:09) Giving yourself permission to grieve
(28:32) Reorganizing life around your own needs
(29:31) Why self-abandonment makes adjustment harder
DISCLAIMER:
The content in this podcast and video is not a replacement for therapy and is not clinical, medical, or mental health treatment. Dr. Natalie Marr is a Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota. Her work with https://LearnToLoveYourStory.com, https://NatalieMarrCounseling.com, and all affiliate social media entities is educational and coaching based ONLY. She IS NOT offering therapeutic services of any kind on these mediums.
If you or someone you know is having a mental health crisis or having thoughts of suicide, please use the following crisis resources (this is not an exhaustive list of available resources):
Dr. Natalie explores the intersection of midlife challenges, hormonal changes, and childhood trauma, emphasizing that women’s struggles are often systemic and not personal failures. She discusses how hormonal shifts affect stress resilience and the importance of inner work and therapy to achieve a centered midlife.
Hormonal changes in midlife and their impact on stress resilience
The role of childhood trauma in adult midlife struggles
Inner child work and shadow work as tools for healing
Systemic societal expectations and their effects on women in midlife
Key Frameworks
Inner Child Work
Shadow Work
Core Belief Systems
Action Items
Seek therapy to unpack childhood trauma
Consider hormone therapy with medical guidance
Set boundaries to protect your mental health
Prioritize love and acceptance of your current life
Sound Bites
“Childhood trauma can resurface in midlife.” “Love your life right now, all of it.” “This was never your fault.”
Chapters
00:00 The Burden of Expectations on Women 13:18 Childhood Trauma and Its Resurgence in Midlife 19:07 Introduction and Disclaimer 20:43 Crisis Resources and Support
Midlife/Trauma Resources
Therapy for Trauma and Inner Child Work – https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists
The content in this podcast and video is not a replacement for therapy and is not clinical, medical, or mental health treatment. Dr. Natalie Marr is a Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota. Her work with (https://LearnToLoveYourStory.com), (https://NatalieMarrCounseling.com), and all affiliate social media entities is educational and coaching based ONLY. She IS NOT offering therapeutic services of any kind on these mediums. If you or someone you know is having a mental health crisis or having thoughts of suicide, please use the following crisis resources (this is not an exhaustive list of available resources):
In this conversation, Dr. Natalie reflects on her journey through midlife, particularly focusing on the challenges of perimenopause and the emotional turmoil that often accompanies it. She discusses the importance of letting go of societal expectations and the pressure to conform, emphasizing the need for self-acceptance and compassion. Dr. Natalie also explores the concept of procedural memory and how our ingrained habits can shape our perceptions and emotional responses. Ultimately, she encourages listeners to redefine their narratives and embrace a centered midlife, free from the burdens of self-judgment and societal standards. Episode 117: Expert Advice on Addressing the #1 Symptom in Perimenopause: https://spotifycreators-web.app.link/e/y7WjcCkjf1b or https://youtu.be/GFTFQGbN1rg Keywords: midlife, perimenopause, self-acceptance, emotional health, procedural memory, self-compassion, personal growth, women empowerment, mental health, life transitions
Takeaways
Turning 50 can be a liberating experience.
It’s important to decide what truly matters to us.
Perimenopause can bring significant emotional challenges.
Irritability is a common symptom of hormonal changes.95% of our thoughts and behaviors are pre-programmed.
We can reprogram our thoughts to be more compassionate.
Self-acceptance is crucial for mental well-being.
We often hold ourselves to unrealistic standards.
It’s essential to shift our narratives about ourselves.
You are not broken; you are a work in progress.
Sound bites
“I was waking up that way.” “Tell yourself a new story.” “You are not broken.”
Chapters
00:00 Embracing Midlife: A New Perspective 06:35 Reprogramming the Mind: Breaking Free from Old Habits 12:20 Redefining Self-Worth: A Journey to Centered Midlife
The content in this podcast and video is not a replacement for therapy and is not clinical, medical, or mental health treatment. Dr. Natalie Marr is a Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota. Her work with (https://LearnToLoveYourStory.com), (https://NatalieMarrCounseling.com), and all affiliate social media entities is educational and coaching based ONLY. She IS NOT offering therapeutic services of any kind on these mediums. If you or someone you know is having a mental health crisis or having thoughts of suicide, please use the following crisis resources (this is not an exhaustive list of available resources):
In this heartfelt episode, Dr. Natalie addresses midlife women feeling overwhelmed by the pressure to fix and manage everything alone. She offers insight into how hyper-independence and the fear of abandonment can contribute to burnout and midlife struggles—and most importantly, how self-love can help rewrite these patterns.
Key Topics:
The emotional toll of hyper-independence in midlife women
The neurochemistry of pursuit and addiction to dopamine hits
Childhood experiences shaping adult patterns of fixing and pleasing
Recognizing and interrupting the spiral of justification and validation
The importance of self-love as an antidote to burnout and scarcity mindset
How fear of abandonment fuels hyper-independence
Practical steps to love yourself through mistakes and vulnerabilities
Moving away from rescuing everyone and focusing on personal peace
Time Stamps
00:00 – Addressing hyper-independent women in midlife
02:09 – The neurochemical roots of pursuit and addiction to dopamine
03:34 – How the chase reinforces the cycle of burnout
04:33 – Personal stories of controlling or fixing others
05:58 – Childhood patterns influencing adult need for approval
06:53 – Recognizing the spiral of justifying and validating
08:22 – The pain of not being liked or validated
09:04 – The risks of over-investment in work and relationships
10:30 – How derailments in pursuit reveal deeper patterns
11:56 – The spiral of self-justification in times of stress
13:20 – The link between childhood chaos and adult control issues
14:19 – Self-love as the key to breaking free from cycles
16:41 – The importance of loving yourself despite mistakes
19:34 – Understanding the fear of rejection and scarcity mindset
20:03 – Letting go of blame and the need for approval
21:01 – Managing relationships without spiraling into chaos
22:24 – Embracing age and experience for self-compassion
23:21 – The power of loving your story, including dysfunction
24:19 – Sharing this message with other midlife women
25:17 – Letting go of the cycle of justification and abandonment fears
26:15 – Finding peace and building inner self-worth
The content in this podcast and video is not a replacement for therapy and is not clinical, medical, or mental health treatment. Dr. Natalie Marr is a Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota. Her work with (LearnToLoveYourStory.com), (NatalieMarrCounseling.com), and all affiliate social media entities is educational and coaching based ONLY. She IS NOT offering therapeutic services of any kind on these mediums.
If you or someone you know is having a mental health crisis or having thoughts of suicide, please use the following crisis resources (this is not an exhaustive list of available resources):
In this podcast episode, Dr. Natalie shares her personal journey through midlife, discussing the challenges she faced with hormonal changes, medical care, and the importance of self-care. She emphasizes the need for women to advocate for their health, explore alternative medicine, and find supportive communities. Dr. Natalie also touches on the role of nutrition and exercise in managing midlife changes and encourages listeners to engage in conversations about women’s health.
Key Takeaways: – Dr. Natalie discusses her absence from the podcast and the importance of self-care. – She reflects on the hormonal changes of midlife and their impact on health. – The medical field often overlooks women’s health issues, especially in midlife. – Dr. Natalie shares her frustrating experiences with traditional medical care. – She emphasizes the importance of finding healthcare providers who listen and understand. – Alternative medicine provided her with a sense of being heard and supported. – Nutrition and exercise play crucial roles in managing midlife health. – Dr. Natalie encourages women to advocate for their health and seek support. – She acknowledges the emotional toll of midlife changes and the need for community. – The podcast aims to create a roadmap for women navigating midlife challenges.
Chapters 00:00 Introduction and Personal Update 09:37 The Search for Effective Treatment 16:20 Reflections on Health and Future Plans 17:44 Season 2 Legal Disclaimer.MP4
If you had $86,400 and someone stole $10, would you throw $86,390 away for revenge? Or move on and live? Right?!? Move on and live. Here is the thing though, you have 86,400 seconds each day. Don’t let someone’s negative 10 seconds ruin the remaining 86,390. Life is bigger than that. And so are you.
– Unknown Author
I saw this quote once on social media and found it to be very compelling. How many of us do this? We know this isn’t good for us and yet feel we can’t stop ourselves from letting the small amount of negativity in our lives overwhelm us, as if this is the majority of our lives when it really is not.
My challenge for you…try this to start practicing Mindfulness. Help yourself stop the madness created by these old patterns of perseverating on the negative. You may have heard of Mindfulness and still be skeptical this practice can be helpful. It can though. It orients us to ourselves and our world of the present moment only. It allows space for us to let go of things we can’t control by shifting our focus to the present.
Let me demystify one of the reasons why Mindfulness works. When we pay attention to something research shows again and again that it changes our behavior. One of my favorite examples of this is from quantum physics. Get a load of this:
“In a study reported in the February 26, [1998] issue of Nature (Vol. 391, pp. 871-874), researchers at the Weizmann Institute of Science…conducted a highly controlled experiment demonstrating how a beam of electrons is affected by the act of being observed. The experiment revealed that the greater the amount of “watching,” the greater the observer’s influence on what actually takes place.”
What does this mean? It means at the smallest subatomic levels of the energy that makes up what EVERYTHING is made of (such as the electrons focused on in this study), there is research showing us that the act of observing can indeed cause change AND the more we observe the more influence we have. Isn’t that amazing? Just the act of noticing something influences it…changes it.
So here are 3 steps I have for you to try and change the pattern of giving up so much of your time to the negative thoughts in your life:
Notice your thoughts. That’s it! Just take on the role of the observer and notice the thoughts that you’re having.
Describe the thoughts to yourself. This could be out loud, in your head, or written down, like in a journal.
Take a non-judgmental stance. This means don’t be hard on yourself for what you notice you’re thinking. Don’t critique, just notice and name. Nothing more.
Think you can do this over the course of the week? I hope you try. I promise that a practice this small can make big ripples of change in your life. Take five minutes once a day and give yourself the gift of seeing your thoughts as separate from you. You are the observer of the thoughts. You are not the thoughts themselves. See if the act of observing is as powerful as they say it can be on a subatomic energetic level. It may surprise you.
Take look or listen to one of my podcasts on this topic below:
And if you are looking for more helpful hints like this, take a look at my Online Courses. These courses are full of these kinds of suggestions, along with tools and videos to help you implement the practices.
Do any of these sound like you?
Feel a sense of lack, despite success in life or having done everything “right”
Struggle to articulate how you feel to others
Experience guilt about how you’re feeling
Have lost your way
Are struggling to overcome turmoil in your life
Have become resigned to accepting a life you don’t love
Many of us are suffering like this — daily life has become an ordeal, and we don’t know where or how to find help.
Dr. Natalie’s Online Courses and Coaching CAN HELP. Click below and get started.
You don’t want to miss a thing we are doing here at LearnToLoveYourStory.com. From our weekly podcasts to our library of blogs and videos that can help you step into a more centered life. Allow Dr. Natalie to guide you on this empowering adventure to break free, rediscover your passion, and create the life you’ve always envisioned for yourself. Your journey to empowerment starts here. Join our Mailing List today!
Need more clarity on your midlife journey? Sign up for a complimentary call with Dr. Natalie to explore if her transformative coaching program aligns with your aspirations. Get personalized answers to your questions and discover if Dr. Natalie can help you untangle where you life is now and design the life you want to be living. Don’t miss the opportunity to embark on a life-changing experience – schedule your complimentary call today and take the first step toward designing the life you deserve! Please press the “START” button below to answer a few questions and schedule your consultation:
Keywords: mindfulness, meditation, calm, personal growth, midlife, misconceptions, techniques, strategies, therapy, structure, pacing, containment, permission, inner wisdom, perspective, clarity, privacy, boundaries, habit, reflection, podcast for women, podcast for midlife, Dr. Natalie, Midlife Crisis to a Centered Life Thriving
Disclaimer
The content in this blog, vlog, podcast and video is not a replacement for therapy and is not clinical, medical, or mental health treatment. Dr. Natalie Marr is a Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota. Her work with LearnToLoveYourStory.com and all affiliate social media entities is educational and coaching based ONLY. She IS NOT offering therapeutic services of any kind on these mediums.
If you or someone you know is having a mental health crisis or having thoughts of suicide, please use the following crisis resources (this is not an exhaustive list of available resources):
People are so ready in recent years to feel “normal” since the pandemic turned our worlds upside down. And yet, we can’t quite figure out how to put things back together like they were. We notice that we are more stressed and still feeling a bit off center. Where is the stress coming from? We get to go back to our offices, schools, and regular lives right? Then why is this so hard?
I love this question! Remember though, I am a Clinical Psychology and Neurology nerd…so this is the kind of stuff that I get excited to demystify. There is a very good reason we are feeling this way. And I have talked about this before on a Vlog I am sharing here. Take a look and listen up for my tips on how to get through this and build up your resiliency skills.
In this Vlog I help us to see how the pandemic impacted our nervous systems and created a high amount of stress in our lives, even as we think we have come out the other side of this ordeal. I strive to decode for you how the nervous system actually works and why it is that both positive and negative experiences in our lives can tax our capacity to cope and care for ourselves.
This “how to” Vlog also has tips on how to expand our window of tolerance and build up our resiliency factors, so that we can better manage our stress. Enjoy.
Healing is an interesting subject for many. Its so ethereal. Hard to really define and understand. Especially emotional healing. What I am talking about when I talk about healing is not creating a reality where the pain and suffering never existed, but rather defining healing as a means to help you transcend that pain and suffering so the damage it left is no longer controlling your life. Life can be hard and the weight of it heavy. The marks it leaves are real and the pain creates a lasting memory, for which our bodies keep the score. I want to give you a means to move beyond all of these scars and let go of the weight.
Healing doesn’t discount your story. Healing cannot cancel out the damage from your life. Healing is the process by which we disarm all of this. A few weeks back I shared a blog about a Japanese tradition whereby gold is used to repair the broken pieces of an item, thus infusing it with more worth. That’s what healing does. It gives us more worth.
One of the means by which I teach others how to heal, is by taking something that was once harmful towards us and turning it into a strength we have to better navigate our life. Almost like a super power. How is this done? Well, one way to do this is to shift the narrative of your life. This is useful when you cannot change the storyline, but most definitely want to change how the story affects you.
In a Vlog earlier this week, I spoke to how you can shift your narrative by rethinking it through the lens of being your own Hero/ine. Taking the storyline of struggle and reorganizing it through a lens of being Hero/ine moves the power back to us. I love empowerment strategies like this. So much of what we struggle with is feeling powerless to the things that happen in our lives. Once we start looking at it through the lens of being our own Hero/ine, we regain some control and inevitably start to feel more powerful.
What’s your super power? What strength have you built through healing? Think about it. Sometimes it can take years to get this perspective, but it is there. And you can seize upon it. Go ahead…be your own Hero/ine.
Do any of these sound like you?
Feel a sense of lack, despite success in life or having done everything “right”
Struggle to articulate how you feel to others
Experience guilt about how you’re feeling
Have lost your way
Are struggling to overcome turmoil in your life
Have become resigned to accepting a life you don’t love
Many of us are suffering like this — daily life has become an ordeal, and we don’t know where or how to find help.
Dr. Natalie’s Online Courses and Coaching CAN HELP. Click below and get started.
Unlock the next chapter of your life with our transformative 20-week group coaching package tailored for women in midlife. Embrace empowerment, break free from the status quo, and design a life that aligns with your true aspirations. Join group coaching and allow Dr. Natalie to guide you on this empowering adventure to break free, rediscover your passion, and create the life you’ve always envisioned for yourself. Your journey to empowerment starts here. Let’s design the life you deserve!
Need more clarity on your midlife journey? Sign up for a complimentary call with Dr. Natalie to explore if her transformative coaching program aligns with your aspirations. Get personalized answers to your questions and discover if Dr. Natalie can help you untangle where you life is now and design the life you want to be living. Don’t miss the opportunity to embark on a life-changing experience – schedule your complimentary call today and take the first step toward designing the life you deserve!
Please press the “START” button below to answer a few questions and schedule your consultation:
Disclaimer
The content in this blog is not a replacement for therapy and is not clinical, medical, or mental health treatment. Dr. Natalie Marr is a Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota. Her work with LearnToLoveYourStory.com and all affiliate social media entities is educational and coaching based ONLY. She IS NOT offering therapeutic services of any kind on these mediums.
If you or someone you know is having a mental health crisis or having thoughts of suicide, please use the following crisis resources (this is not an exhaustive list of available resources):
Join Dr. Natalie in this inspiring and heartfelt interview with Lori Saitz, the founder of ZenRabbit.com, as they delve into Lori’s work and own transformative journey on “Midlife Crisis to a Centered Life Thriving”. Lori opens up about her personal struggles, including the profound impact of losing her mother and the challenges of closing her first business when it couldn’t be scaled as she envisioned.
Through her experiences, Lori discovered the transformative power of taking just a few strategic steps, which she refers to as the “Trilogy for Success.” In this episode, she shares how these steps can help anyone pivot through life’s toughest moments and create a life they truly desire to live.
In this thought-provoking conversation, you’ll gain insights into embracing change, finding purpose amidst grief, and crafting a life that aligns with your passions and aspirations. Lori’s wisdom and resilience will inspire you to navigate your own journey of transformation and self-discovery.
And that’s not all! As a generous bonus for our listeners, Lori offers a Complimentary Exercise during the podcast to kickstart your journey towards a centered and thriving life. Be sure to check out the episode and visit her website, ZenRabbit.com, for links to FREE GIFTS that will further support your personal growth and well-being.
Tune in now to discover the keys to unlocking your potential and thriving through life’s inevitable transitions with the help of Lori Saitz and her powerful “Trilogy for Success”.
HOW TO FIND Lori Saitz her work
WEB: https://zenrabbit.com/
Podcast: https://zenrabbit.com/podcast/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ZenRabbit
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/zen_rabbit/
Linked In: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lorisaitz/
Clubhouse: https://www.clubhouse.com/@lorisaitz
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Community is how we gain and sustain our strength to be the remarkable women that we already are in this world. Having a bad day…check in and get support. Killing it at life…jump on and inspire your friends. This online Facebook community is where we all gather to love and support one another on our prospective journeys to live our best lives!
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So many of us get stuck at some point during our lives. We know that we are not fully happy, yet we don't really know what's missing. We just know that we thought it would feel better than this by now. So what gives?
Dr. Natalie's online courses are designed to help you build the skills you need not only to find out what seems to be missing in your life and keeping you stuck; her courses will help you liberate yourself from your past and starting designing the LIFE YOU HAVE ALWAYS WANTED.
Take this quiz and receive an individualized recommendation from Dr. Natalie as to what course would be best for you and why these courses are specially designed to help you with what you need.
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Keywords: Choosing Happiness, Journey Through Midlife, Dr. Natalie, Lori Saitz, Coach, Trilogy for Success, ZenRabbit.com, Fine is a 4 Letter Word, Centered Life, Thriving, Challenges of Midlife, Self-Discovery, Empowerment, Endless Possibilities, Fulfillment in Life.
Disclaimer
The content in this podcast and video is not a replacement for therapy and is not clinical, medical, or mental health treatment. Dr. Natalie Marr is a Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota. Her work with LearnToLoveYourStory.com and all affiliate social media entities is educational and coaching based ONLY. She IS NOT offering therapeutic services of any kind on these mediums.
If you or someone you know is having a mental health crisis or having thoughts of suicide, please use the following crisis resources (this is not an exhaustive list of available resources):
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ 1-800-273-8255
Crisis Text Line: https://www.crisistextline.org/ Text HOME to 741741
I know right?!? Or maybe you think its crazy to think this. I promise its true. One of the ways our brains work is by creating neural networks, maps inside our heads that essentially make up our habits. Its why you don’t have to think very much when you’re doing something you do a lot…like driving.
And its totally normal when you interrupt this known habit by trying to add a new aspect to it that you sometimes mess the whole thing up. That’s self-sabotage! And its supposed to happen during the change process. This occurs when you are teaching your brain to do something new, to take a new path. And this is because your brain is wanting to do that old familiar thing instead, so it pulls you right back to that old map. Don’t think of this as a bad thing. Think of it as a natural part of making change. Take a look at this video and learn a little more.
Don’t know if the Learn To Love Your Story could help you. Then take this quiz and see which Online Courses would best help you with your personal growth and development.
What Course Is Right For You?
So many of us get stuck at some point during our lives. We know that we are not fully happy, yet we don't really know what's missing. We just know that we thought it would feel better than this by now. So what gives?
Dr. Natalie's online courses are designed to help you build the skills you need not only to find out what seems to be missing in your life and keeping you stuck; her courses will help you liberate yourself from your past and starting designing the LIFE YOU HAVE ALWAYS WANTED.
Take this quiz and receive an individualized recommendation from Dr. Natalie as to what course would be best for you and why these courses are specially designed to help you with what you need.
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Join us monthly as we work together to help you design the life you have always wanted for yourself. No gimmicks! Just results! Dr. Natalie has nearly two decades of experience as a Clinical Psychologist and she is ready to help women in midlife break the chains of living in constant survival mode.
Please be sure to sign up. Even if you can’t join every month, you will also have access to online courses, workbooks, guided meditations, and get the video highlights sent out after each months group coaching event. It is well worth it!!! Make 2023 your year!!!
Such sage words this young bear spoke into our tiny hearts and souls when we were young and continues to speak into the hearts and souls of children even now. Poor little Piglet. A bit of an anxious fellow, always fussing on something. Pooh, however, aside from the occasional emotional eating binge on honey…Pooh was much more in the present moment.
During the first phase of the Learn to Love Your Story Personal Development Program, we talk about staying in the present moment through mindfulness practices and how our worth is not based on what we do. Even if that has what we’ve been conditioned to think by society, culture, family, and religion. My programs teach that we are worthy just because we exist. So, what’s LOVE got to do with it? Ah my friends. This is truly one of my favorite parts of personal growth.
Love is not something we do (or spell), it is something we feel as a result of a whole host of things. Do you feel love? Really? Do you FEEL it? Or, are you, like our fettered friend Piglet more worried about how you define it or how it performs? If so, listen to Pooh. Love does not do, love is not a word or an action. It’s much more than that.
Sometimes when we get in touch with what we feel, it transcends words and moves beyond a place of articulation. Instead it moves into incarnation. It is an ethereal and some would say divine force that transforms into our behaviors, thoughts, and emotions. Stay present. Stay in tune with your feeling. Experience love in all its fascinating forms. It doesn’t always present as joyful, because it is more soulful.
And not only that, Love is an anchor for us. It is a way for us to come back to ourselves. Our love of others, places, things, activities are our anchors to the feeling of being safe, secure, and connected in this world. Love helps us to know there are things that are so much bigger than this moment we find ourselves suffering through.
When we are feeling overwhelmed with stress or negative emotions, it can be really hard to shift perspectives. One way I am teaching how to do this in the Learn to Love Your Story Personal Development Course is by anchoring. I have my coaching groups work on making a list of those people, places, and things that help them feel the most grounded in the feeling of being loved. Merely bringing these items to mind can help anchor us back to the present moment.
Try it sometime…bring to mind an event when you felt loved. Make it as real as possible in your minds eye. Use all five of your senses as you bring up the image in your head. It is amazing how quickly your emotions can shift, just by re-experiencing the feeling of being loved and of loving. It’s a neat trick to have up your sleeve.
Don’t know if the Learn To Love Your Story could help you. Then take this quiz and see which Online Courses would best help you with your personal growth and development.
What Course Is Right For You?
So many of us get stuck at some point during our lives. We know that we are not fully happy, yet we don't really know what's missing. We just know that we thought it would feel better than this by now. So what gives?
Dr. Natalie's online courses are designed to help you build the skills you need not only to find out what seems to be missing in your life and keeping you stuck; her courses will help you liberate yourself from your past and starting designing the LIFE YOU HAVE ALWAYS WANTED.
Take this quiz and receive an individualized recommendation from Dr. Natalie as to what course would be best for you and why these courses are specially designed to help you with what you need.
Question
Your answer:
Answer
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FREE Group Coaching For a Year – Join ANYTIME!
Join us monthly as we work together to help you design the life you have always wanted for yourself. No gimmicks! Just results! Dr. Natalie has nearly two decades of experience as a Clinical Psychologist and she is ready to help women in midlife break the chains of living in constant survival mode.
Please be sure to sign up. Even if you can’t join every month, you will also have access to online courses, workbooks, guided meditations, and get the video highlights sent out after each months group coaching event. It is well worth it!!! Make 2023 your year!!!
Did you know that you can book a call and talk to Dr. Natalie directly! She would love to help you personally and answer any questions you have about her offerings. Sign up for her complimentary DEEP DIVE CALL now. No charge. No obligation. Just 30 minutes 1:1 with Dr. Natalie herself.
When I started LearnToLoveYourStory.com I had an idea of what I was trying to accomplish, yet it wasn’t fully formulated in my mind yet. I knew that there were ways I have helped people through counseling and helped myself in my own life transitions that over and over again worked well to help people pivot out of any painful experience. What an amazing super power!!! An amazing resiliency skill!!! And what better time to share such knowledge than after a worldwide pandemic that has caused a sister pandemic…a mental health crisis.
I knew there was a thread that goes right to the heart of why any of us struggle. Why any of us feel human suffering. Why any of us ever doubt ourselves or our capability to handle a situation. In the beginning I struggled to put my finger on what it was exactly.
So I just kept following my intuition on this journey of creating content to help people pivot out of any life transition, any need for a change in their life, and any human suffering of which they are a part. As I sit back and reflect and look at all of what I have created as a whole, it becomes clear that this resiliency skill of growth mindset really is a super power. If one is always ready for change, then no major harm will come from any life transitions. In a way, you are always ready.
That said, it kept bugging me that right under the surface there had to be a reason why all of us experience some suffering during change, or at least are very uncomfortable. What is it? Why do we continue to repeat old behavior patterns even when they don’t work? And why do we cling to them so much, even when we know they no longer serve us? I know how to work with people individually in therapy when these patterns show up in their lives. I do this by helping them unearth their own participation in their suffering and make the changes they want, in order to change this pattern. But why is it that we all suffer in the same patterns over and over, generation after generation, transmitting intergenerational traumas to one another? There had to be an answer to this…right?
Well here is something you should know about me, if you haven’t taken the time to read the About the Author page. At a very young age, living in an alcoholic family home, walking on the eggshells of when the next shoe would drop from which parent for what issue, I created my own super power. I see patterns. Seems simple I know, yet it has come in handy in more ways than I can count. I can see patterns in individuals. I can see patterns in systems. I can see patterns in all of us. So this puzzle, was just another challenge for me.
What is the common thread in the pattern of continuing to participate in our own suffering?
And then it hit me. Constructs. Definitions. Roles. Scripts. Rules. What is hurting us the most is our own making. This is not surprising to me, because when I help people to pivot out of their own pain during life transitions, it generally is because we discover how they’ve participated in their own suffering by clinging to old ways of thinking what they “should be” like instead of loving who they are now.
Why is it that we cling so heavily to pre-fabricated ideas of who, what, how, when, and why we “should be” who we are? Our suffering is born out of our own discomfort that we aren’t exactly like we think we “should be”. It is nourished by the shame we inflict on ourselves and towards others, judging how much we miss the mark and aren’t afforded the privileges of being who we think we “should be”. And it damns us to an eternal repetition of these destructive patterns, when we weave into the fabric of our families, societies, and cultures these definitions of who, what, how, when, and why we “should be” a certain way.
So in case I’ve lost you, let me slow down a bit. Let me give you an example of what I’m talking about. A common midlife issue is the impact of aging on the body. Men and women both have their own versions of discomfort with this. There are wrinkles, weight gain, and aches and pains. Not to mention things like menopause, heart disease, metabolic disease, and respiratory disease. Need I say more? These illnesses start to plague this midlife group at a higher rate than they did when this group of people was younger. Now, why is it that we complain about these changes to our bodies in midlife? Seems like a weird question I know, but go with me. We complain about these changes because we have a definition of what our bodies “should be“. We have an ideal of what a beautiful body looks like…young, healthy, athletic, attractive.
Yet all of these descriptors are subjective. It’s in the eye of the beholder or or in this case, in the hands of those who make and uphold the definitions. So when I’m talking to a client who is struggling with how she looks because she is aging, and this causes her feelings of depression, it is not the depression that is the problem. It is the definition of what she “should” look like. The depression is the symptom of the real problem…that she is holding herself to an unattainable, unfair, and harmful standard of what her body “should be”. Who made up this definition? And why in the hell are we following it so rigidly that we would create depression over it?
And there it is my friends. Hidden in plain sight. Right in front of our noses. The reason we suffer is that we cannot attain all of these definitions of who we “should be”. It is humanly impossible to be young and aged at the same time. It is possible however, to have different definitions of beauty for different ages. And yet, we stay stuck. We do what we’ve always done. We still believe the unsaid rules that tell us that aged bodies aren’t as beautiful and vibrant as young bodies, and this reinforces the belief that aged bodies are somehow lesser. And this is just one example. And it’s just one layer. You can layer suffering on suffering. What if your in midlife, divorced twice, and a single mom (for the second time). I am. And our world has lots of ideas and definitions about what that means about me. None of them are flattering.
What if we changed the game? What if instead of engaging in the hustle for our worthiness or the rat race towards trying to meet as many of these standards of how we “should be” as we can at the same time, what if we break all the rules and rewrite the rulebook? And even more than that, what if we give license to all of us to have our own rulebook that applies to us individually? What if we stop judging one another, shaming one another, against ideals that we never created for ourselves in the first place? It’s an interesting proposal isn’t it?
The long and the short of it…LearnToLoveYourStory.com is here to help you do this. That’s what I’ve been successfully teaching people to do for two decades. I would love to help more than the very few that I can sit across the couch from offering therapy. I would love to open more eyes in a compassionate lens to see the fact that it is the definitions of how you “should be” that are killing you. It’s not the anxiety. It’s not the depression. It’s not the midlife crisis. Those are symptomatic of what the real problem is underneath. And my friends the problem underneath, hidden in plain sight, is that we are all holding ourselves accountable to definitions of how we “should be”, when we never had a chance to decide what those definitions are. When you work with me I will give you the tools to change that. Wouldn’t it feel better to Learn to Love Your Story? Click the links below to learn more about how to work with me.
Do any of these sound like you?
Feel a sense of lack, despite success in life or having done everything “right”
Struggle to articulate how you feel to others
Experience guilt about how you’re feeling
Have lost your way
Are struggling to overcome turmoil in your life
Have become resigned to accepting a life you don’t love
Many of us are suffering like this — daily life has become an ordeal, and we don’t know where or how to find help.
Dr. Natalie’s Online Courses and Coaching CAN HELP. Click below and get started.
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Disclaimer
The content in this blog is not a replacement for therapy and is not clinical, medical, or mental health treatment. Dr. Natalie Marr is a Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota. Her work with LearnToLoveYourStory.com and all affiliate social media entities is educational and coaching based ONLY. She IS NOT offering therapeutic services of any kind on these mediums.
If you or someone you know is having a mental health crisis or having thoughts of suicide, please use the following crisis resources (this is not an exhaustive list of available resources):
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