Tag Archives: self kindess

Bucking the System, Dr. Natalie Podcast, Midlife Women, Selfish is the New Selfless

The Exhausting Lie that Perfectionism Sold You

Summary:

This episode explores the impact of perfectionism, societal conditioning, and hormonal changes during midlife on women’s mental health. Dr. Natalie shares data, personal insights, and practical advice to help women love themselves and navigate this transformative phase with resilience.

Keywords:

midlife, women, perfectionism, mental health, hormonal changes, self-love, resilience, menopause, societal conditioning

Key topics:

  • Perfectionism and its impact on mental health
  • The connection between hormonal changes and emotional well-being
  • Societal conditioning and self-betrayal in women
  • Practical steps to cultivate self-love and resilience

Sound bites:

  • “Relearn who you are and what you want.”
  • “Deserving love even when you screw up.”
  • “You do not have to be good.”

Chapters:

  • 00:00 The Burden of Perfectionism in Midlife
  • 03:24 Understanding the Mental Health Crisis for Women
  • 11:29 The Impact of Hormonal Changes and Medical Misunderstandings
  • 28:13 Reclaiming Self-Worth and Breaking Free from Perfectionism
  • 36:18 Introduction and Disclaimer
  • 37:55 Crisis Resources and Support

Resources & Links to Connect with Dr. Natalie:

Resources:

DISCLAIMER:

The content in this podcast and video is not a replacement for therapy and is not clinical, medical, or mental health treatment. Dr. Natalie Marr is a Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota. Her work with Learn To Love Your Story coaching ⁠⁠(⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://LearnToLoveYourStory.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠)⁠ and her private practice ⁠(⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://NatalieMarrCounseling.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠),⁠ and all affiliate social media entities are educational ONLY. She IS NOT offering therapeutic or coaching services of any kind on these mediums.

If you or someone you know is having a mental health crisis or having thoughts of suicide, please use the following crisis resources (this is not an exhaustive list of available resources):

Dr. Natalie Podcast, Midlife Women, Self-Awareness, Self-Compassion

What to Let Go of in Midlife

In this heartfelt episode, Dr. Natalie addresses midlife women feeling overwhelmed by the pressure to fix and manage everything alone. She offers insight into how hyper-independence and the fear of abandonment can contribute to burnout and midlife struggles—and most importantly, how self-love can help rewrite these patterns.


Key Topics:

  • The emotional toll of hyper-independence in midlife women
  • The neurochemistry of pursuit and addiction to dopamine hits
  • Childhood experiences shaping adult patterns of fixing and pleasing
  • Recognizing and interrupting the spiral of justification and validation
  • The importance of self-love as an antidote to burnout and scarcity mindset
  • How fear of abandonment fuels hyper-independence
  • Practical steps to love yourself through mistakes and vulnerabilities
  • Moving away from rescuing everyone and focusing on personal peace

Time Stamps

00:00 – Addressing hyper-independent women in midlife

02:09 – The neurochemical roots of pursuit and addiction to dopamine

03:34 – How the chase reinforces the cycle of burnout

04:33 – Personal stories of controlling or fixing others

05:58 – Childhood patterns influencing adult need for approval

06:53 – Recognizing the spiral of justifying and validating

08:22 – The pain of not being liked or validated

09:04 – The risks of over-investment in work and relationships

10:30 – How derailments in pursuit reveal deeper patterns

11:56 – The spiral of self-justification in times of stress

13:20 – The link between childhood chaos and adult control issues

14:19 – Self-love as the key to breaking free from cycles

16:41 – The importance of loving yourself despite mistakes

19:34 – Understanding the fear of rejection and scarcity mindset

20:03 – Letting go of blame and the need for approval

21:01 – Managing relationships without spiraling into chaos

22:24 – Embracing age and experience for self-compassion

23:21 – The power of loving your story, including dysfunction

24:19 – Sharing this message with other midlife women

25:17 – Letting go of the cycle of justification and abandonment fears

26:15 – Finding peace and building inner self-worth

Resources and Links

Connect with Dr. Natalie:

Website https://LearnToLoveYourStory.com⁠⁠
Facebook facebook.com/learntoloveyourstory
Instagram instagram.com/dr.nataliemarr
Linked In linkedin.com/in/natalie-m-marr-psy-d-lp-6a9298147
Tik Tok tiktok.com/@doc.natalie

DISCLAIMER:

The content in this podcast and video is not a replacement for therapy and is not clinical, medical, or mental health treatment. Dr. Natalie Marr is a Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota. Her work with ⁠⁠(⁠LearnToLoveYourStory.com⁠⁠⁠⁠)⁠, ⁠(⁠⁠⁠⁠NatalieMarrCounseling.com⁠⁠⁠),⁠ and all affiliate social media entities is educational and coaching based ONLY. She IS NOT offering therapeutic services of any kind on these mediums.

If you or someone you know is having a mental health crisis or having thoughts of suicide, please use the following crisis resources (this is not an exhaustive list of available resources):

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org⁠/⁠⁠⁠⁠ or CALL 988

Crisis Text Line: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.crisistextline.org/ or⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠Text HOME to 741741

Dr. Natalie Podcast, Midlife Women

The Great Unlearning: Reclaiming Self-Worth in Midlife

Summary
In this episode, Dr. Natalie explores the concept of ‘The Great Unlearning,’ a transformative journey that challenges the societal belief that doing everything right leads to a fulfilling life. She reflects on her personal experiences, particularly during midlife, where she realized that striving for perfection and external validation often leads to burnout and disillusionment. Dr. Natalie emphasizes the importance of self-worth and the need to reclaim it from within, rather than through external achievements or approval. Through poignant anecdotes, she illustrates how the pressure to conform to societal expectations can lead to a double life and emotional turmoil, ultimately advocating for a shift towards self-love and acceptance.

Dr. Natalie introduces the metaphor of the tugboat versus the lighthouse to illustrate the difference between exhausting oneself in the pursuit of perfection and standing firm in one’s self-worth. She encourages listeners to reflect on their own lives, identifying where they may be sacrificing their well-being in the name of doing everything right. The episode serves as a powerful reminder that true fulfillment comes from within, and that midlife can be an opportunity for profound personal growth and self-discovery.

Keywords:
midlife, self-worth, personal growth, self-love, great unlearning, emotional well-being, tugboat lighthouse metaphor, reclaiming self-worth, Dr. Natalie

Takeaways:
​The version of you that you’re most proud of may be blocking your actual life.
​Midlife can be an invitation to examine the mess of our lives and love it as it is.
​Reclaiming self-worth from the inside out is essential for true fulfillment.

Sound bites:
“What if I told you that the version of you that you’re most proud of… is in the way of your actual life?”
“Today we’re gonna talk about the great unlearning.”
“You do not need to fix yourself. You just need to find yourself.”

Chapters:
00:00 Introduction to The Great Unlearning
03:49 A Holiday Dinner Reflection
10:20 The Tugboat vs. The Lighthouse
18:10 The Power of Self-Love
23:39 Reflecting on Your Journey
JOIN the https://LearnToLoveYourStory.com⁠⁠ Mailing List! Join my newsletter and receive my FREE video and workbook, “Freeing Yourself: A Guide for Letting Go of Other People’s Opinions”

SIGN UP on the website at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://dashboard.mailerlite.com/forms/762561/109840834025752017/share⁠⁠⁠⁠ DISCLAIMER: The content in this podcast and video is not a replacement for therapy and is not clinical, medical, or mental health treatment. Dr. Natalie Marr is a Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota. Her work with ⁠⁠(⁠https://LearnToLoveYourStory.com⁠⁠⁠⁠)⁠, ⁠(⁠⁠⁠⁠https://NatalieMarrCounseling.com⁠⁠⁠),⁠ and all affiliate social media entities is educational and coaching based ONLY. She IS NOT offering therapeutic services of any kind on these mediums. If you or someone you know is having a mental health crisis or having thoughts of suicide, please use the following crisis resources (this is not an exhaustive list of available resources): National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org⁠/⁠⁠⁠⁠
CALL 988Crisis Text Line: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.crisistextline.org/⁠⁠⁠⁠
⁠⁠⁠Text HOME to 741741

Dr. Natalie Podcast, Self-Compassion

Podcast 39 – How to Change Self Critique into Self Kindness

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The Neuroscience of Self-Kindness: Unlocking Happiness in Midlife

In this empowering episode of “Midlife Crisis to a Centered Life Thriving” with Dr. Natalie, our compassionate host delves deep into the neurobiological aspects of why it can be so hard to be kind to ourselves and what we need to start doing differently to change this. Dr. Natalie reveals that the challenge to being kind to ourselves comes from our own neurobiology, especially during those moments when we feel we’re not measuring up. She uncovers the survival mode instincts that wire us to be self-critical and offers invaluable insights and practical tips on how to navigate and overcome this common struggle.

Tune in as Dr. Natalie educates her listeners on the profound importance of self-kindness. Learn how cultivating self-compassion can be a catalyst for meaningful change in your life and lead you on the path to genuine happiness. And while it can feel effortful to change from being a Debbie downer with ourselves to being our biggest fans, Dr. Natalie is here to spur us on and show us that we have the resources inside us we need to accomplish this.

Don’t miss this episode, designed to help you unlock the key to a centered and thriving midlife. Make yourself a cup of coffee or tea and learn how a simple act of kindness like this can be the difference in unlocking joy in our lives.

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1 hour Coaching Session with Dr. Natalie


Community is how we gain and sustain our strength to be the remarkable women that we already are in this world. Having a bad day…check in and get support. Killing it at life…jump on and inspire your friends. This online Facebook community is where we all gather to love and support one another on our prospective journeys to live our best lives!

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Keywords: Neuroscience, Self-Kindness, Midlife, Happiness, Empowerment, Compassion, Survival Mode, Self-Criticism, Neurobiology, Insights, Practical Tips, Self-Compassion, Meaningful Change, Women’s Wellbeing, Personal Growth, Happiness, Dr. Natalie, Midlife Crisis, Self-Improvement, Thriving, podcast for women, podcast for midlife

Disclaimer

The content in this podcast and video is not a replacement for therapy and is not clinical, medical, or mental health treatment. Dr. Natalie Marr is a Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota. Her work with LearnToLoveYourStory.com and all affiliate social media entities is educational and coaching based ONLY. She IS NOT offering therapeutic services of any kind on these mediums.

If you or someone you know is having a mental health crisis or having thoughts of suicide, please use the following crisis resources (this is not an exhaustive list of available resources):

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

CALL 988

Crisis Text Line: https://www.crisistextline.org/

Text HOME to 741741

Dr. Natalie Podcast, Midlife Women, Self-Compassion

Podcast 38: Why Self-Kindness & Self-Nurturing are Key When Making Changes in Midlife

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Coaching Session w/ Dr. Natalie


Join Dr. Natalie on “Midlife Crisis to a Centered Life Thriving” as she sits down with a remarkable coaching client from the LearnToLoveYourStory.com program. In this intimate interview, our guest shares her inspiring journey of career transformation and the profound lessons it has taught her about herself and her skills.

Discover how cultivating self-kindness and nurturing self-care have been pivotal in her transformational growth (and how even the best of students have room to grow). She delves into the power of self-awareness and self-empowered decision-making, two strengths she possess that have propelled her toward the progress she has achieved thus far.

This episode is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the incredible potential we all possess for personal and professional growth. Tune in to gain insights, inspiration, and actionable tips to apply in your own life.

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SIGN UP NOW for Your Complimentary

1 hour Coaching Session with Dr. Natalie


Community is how we gain and sustain our strength to be the remarkable women that we already are in this world. Having a bad day…check in and get support. Killing it at life…jump on and inspire your friends. This online Facebook community is where we all gather to love and support one another on our prospective journeys to live our best lives!

Join Our Online Community

Keywords: career transformation, self-kindness, self-nurturance, self-care, self-awareness, self-empowered decision-making, self-empowerment, transformation in midlife, personal growth, LearnToLoveYourStory.com online courses, midlife crisis, thriving, Dr. Natalie, podcast, podcast for women

Disclaimer

The content in this podcast and video is not a replacement for therapy and is not clinical, medical, or mental health treatment. Dr. Natalie Marr is a Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota. Her work with LearnToLoveYourStory.com and all affiliate social media entities is educational and coaching based ONLY. She IS NOT offering therapeutic services of any kind on these mediums.

If you or someone you know is having a mental health crisis or having thoughts of suicide, please use the following crisis resources (this is not an exhaustive list of available resources):

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

CALL 988

Crisis Text Line: https://www.crisistextline.org/

Text HOME to 741741

Self-Compassion

Finding Beauty in the Broken

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The wound is the place where the light enters you.

Rumi

There is a tradition in Japanese culture, whereby broken pottery is reassembled using gold as the adherent in the cracks between broken pieces. The flaw thereby becomes a part of the beauty of the object as it ages. Its a part of the pottery’s history and by being treated with gold, shows that this part of the history has a high value.

It’s an interesting concept to think of our hardships and brokenness as the most valuable parts of us. So true though. What I really like about this Japanese tradition is that gold is used in the repairing. So, the beauty only “shines” when the repairs are done. I have been a psychologist over the course of two decades and I have helped others and watched as they have healed. The beauty that emerges is inspiring to me. And I mean inspiring.

Photo by Hebert Santos on Pexels.com

I too have had my share of difficult times and one of the unique aspects of being with others during their healing journeys is that I am privy to the knowledge that this too shall pass and I could be all the better for that. I just have to let the pieces fall and then pick them up and mend them with the gold of self-compassion. This work can be tedious and many times pain staking. It’s still so worth the effort.

What is self-compassion you may ask? Well compassion’s literal translation is to “suffer with”. In action, compassion usually is a conscious awareness of another’s suffering, paired with a desire to try to share the pain with this individual in an effort to alleviate it. To have this same empathic quality towards oneself, is to see yourself through the lens of loving kindness with the knowledge that the human condition is flawed and your mistakes are an aspect of that humanity. To love yourself despite your faults. To see with this lens does not negate that negative things have occurred, the wounds have left scars, or that healing has come at a cost. Instead it allows us to see the beauty in these scars. The mending of the old wounds has left us with a different kind of beauty. The process of self-compassion and compassion towards others lets us see the beauty in our own collective human condition, flaws and all.

Photo by Engin Akyurt on Pexels.com
Investing in ourselves is the most important work we will ever do, because without that investment there isn’t much in us to be shared with the world, no matter how much we want to. My challenge to you is to notice where your broken pieces are and take time to carefully pick them up so that you too can start your repair work. Take this loving approach of seeing the beauty in the places where you feel broken and adding the gold of self-compassion to adhere these broken pieces into the whole of you. Let the flaws of your life shine through and tell us of your real beauty.

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1 hour Coaching Session with Dr. Natalie


Community is how we gain and sustain our strength to be the remarkable women that we already are in this world. Having a bad day…check in and get support. Killing it at life…jump on and inspire your friends. This online Facebook community is where we all gather to love and support one another on our prospective journeys to live our best lives!

Join Our Online Community